Meow
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: He should've known this would happen. It was a family curse, almost a tradition. And he, being THE Uchiha Sasuke, just HAD to be curse-proof, right? Now if Sakura would just stop petting him, he could propose and get his good old body back. He hates cats.
1. Kiss The Kitty

**Meow! Chapter One**

**Kiss the Kitty**

* * *

"Oh, Sasuke…" Sakura sighed happily. "You're the best…"

He smirked in an attempt to draw her attention away from his scarlet blush. "Hn…"

She closed her eyes again, breathing deeply as though inhaling the blissful moment of the two sitting together on their special loveseat, a crackly fire flickering in his living room's dilapidated old fireplace.

"The rain's not letting up…" she heard him murmur as he glanced at the window, the thick glass currently withstanding the assaulting raindrops. "Do you…want to stay here?"

She smiled for him. "If it's ok with you."

"You're always welcome in my home, Sakura. You know that."

He smirked at her giggle as she grabbed his arm and wrapped it around herself. "I'd love to."

"Then…" he mumbled, pushing himself to his feet. "I'll get some extra blankets, you can stay in my room. I'll take the couch if-"

His dark eyes widened in surprise when she grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down next to her.

Her expression was almost unreadable as she spoke, her eyes cast downwards.

"But…but Sasuke…"

"What?" he asked. "What is it?"

When she glanced up at him again, he was startled by her sickly-sweet smile.

"Sasuke…if…if it's not too much to ask…"

His mind was automatically preparing to consent to anything she requested with that pleading face. How could he ever deny her?

"Sasuke, I want…I want to be with you."

"Sakura you _are_ with me. We've been going out for almost two years."

She shook her head. "Sasuke…don't play dumb…"

"I'm afraid I don't understand," he said, genuinely confused.

"Sasuke…that old couch is so cold, you know…and…and I'll…I'll be lonely…up there all by myself…"

"So…what do you want me to do?"

"Come _on_, Sasuke," she said with a giggle. "We'll put some blankets and sleeping bags on the floor and have a slumber party!"

He raised an eyebrow at her laughing. "Two? Not much of a party with just two."

"Oh come on, pretty please?" she pleaded, her lower lip quivering.

She almost burst out laughing when his eye twitched at her puppy-eyes.

"Oh…fine," he murmured, blushing bright red again. "Have it your way."

"Yay!" she squealed happily, tumbling backwards onto the seat when he stood up. "It's gonna be a blast!"

Sasuke stretched for a moment, stiff from having his girlfriend of two years sit in his lap for the past three hours. Not that he was complaining, between missions and other shinobi duties they hardly got to spend any quality time together, even though they'd been on the same team since they were Genin.

Sakura smirked as she heard footsteps tramp up the staircase, absentmindedly noticing their special chair was much roomier when only one sat on it. But she preferred cramped with two over roomy with one any day.

_I wonder what's taking him so long…_

Her gaze wandered over to the soot-coated fireplace where some dying embers still flickered amongst the layers of ash and charred wood. There was a small _crack_, and a single, bright-yellow spark leapt high in the air from one of the dying coals before plummeting into a snowdrift-like blob of soot.

_Sasuke…_

It was strange, the way almost anything could remind her of him. Almost like he hadn't come home, and was still off being a power-hungry maniac and not her beloved boyfriend. The spark, she decided, was him, but lost and out of control. He had gone that way pretty fast but at the last, climactic moment had managed to veer away from disaster and crash headfirst back into sanity again.

_That sounds stupidly poetic…_

And old thought surfaced in her mind, though she felt a twinge of guilt at even thinking it.

_Two years…and we haven't kissed…not once…_

He had gone everywhere else but that one special place. Her cheek, her forehead, the back of her hand, and even biting her ear when he was in one of his rare frisky moods. But never her lips.

_Maybe he's scared…and I'm more than willing to wait until he's ready…but I want to kiss him so much…_

"Sakura?"

"Hmm?" she asked, snapping out of her daydream and realizing the center of her thoughts was leaning against the door frame.

"I cleared out a space in the basement, we can hang out down there."

"Okie-dokie, Sasuke!" she said, covering up her melancholy. After all, he'd get worried if he saw her sad.

* * *

"This is great, don't you think?"

"Hn."

Sakura giggled, grabbing another fistful of popcorn from the almost-empty bowl perched on a pillow next to her. Glancing at Sasuke, she smiled to see the final few minutes of the movie they were watching were captivating him. The blue-white light from the tiny TV down in his basement flickered over every available surface, making deep shadows appear on just about anything.

Only a little while later, the lights dimmed as the screen turned to black, white-highlighted credits rolling up from the bottom of the display.

"Good movie?"

"Totally. Aliens blowing up huge cities are always good in my books."

"Wow…" breathed Sakura, glancing at the clock above the TV. "It's almost midnight."

"Yeah…time to hit the hay?"

"Yup."

Sakura smiled, scooting her roomy sleeping bag up against Sasuke's. He had lent her a T-shirt of his to sleep in, but the basement could still carry an uncomfortable breeze past her backside every now and then.

"Sasuke?"

He said nothing, but responded by wrapping his arms around her and holding her close as the two settled onto their separate pillows.

She smiled, closing her eyes as she felt his rhythmic breathing blow gently into her hair. He was much warmer than the cold, unforgiving floor.

"Nnh…Sasuke…" she whispered happily, yawning before cuddling back into his arms. "Nighty night."

"Hn…Sakura?"

"What is it, Sa-?"

She blinked sleepily, wondering for a moment why she couldn't finish her sentence. There seemed to be something delightfully warm pressed against her face…

She woke up completely in a millisecond.

_Sasuke's…kissing me._

Her heart was beating a millions pulses a second.

_Sasuke's kissing me._

Her mouth was dry as a desert.

_I'm his…first lovey-dovey kiss._

She had the Niagara Falls of sweat pouring down the back of her neck.

_Oh, Sasuke…_

After the initial rush slowly mellowed out, she smiled against his mouth, closing her eyes and draping her arms around his neck.

_Sauske…_

Ignoring the heat rushing into her face, she grinned stupidly when he broke away, his fingers playing with a lock of her rosy hair.

"Thank you, Sasuke…"

She felt him nod sleepily in response and wriggled around so that her back was pressed against his chest as the two lay, comfortably basking in each other's warmth.

_Sasuke…how did you know I wanted that all along…? Oh well…thank you._

* * *

She yawned, awakened by the sunlight streaming down on her closed eyelids, stretching until she bumped against something warm lying behind her.

Her eyes snapped open in abject terror until she remembered the previous night. She and Sasuke had camped out in the basement, and…

_We…we kissed for the first time…_

She smiled in relief, feeling her partner-in-crime breathing slowly onto the back of her shoulders and the comforting weight of his hands curled around her waist.

_Still asleep…ooh, he smells so nice…_

She squirmed around to come face-to-face with his T-shirt-clad chest. She giggled quietly, snuggling against him as his arms encircled her. She always felt safe in his embrace, like nothing could touch her but him.

_Oh, my wonderful Sasuke…_

She glanced up, and giggled softly again. His mussed, disheveled hair had bunched together in his sleep, forming two triangular shapes, one on each side of his head. It almost, _almost_ looked like he had-

One of them twitched sleepily.

"KYAAAAAAAAA!"

Sasuke woke up with a start at the sound of a girlish shriek, only to be pummeled by a terrified Sakura's pillow as she almost suffocated him.

"Who are you?! What have you done with Sasuke?!"

"Ow!" he protested. "Hey, hey! It's me!"

When the rain of blows to his head stopped, he cracked open one eye from behind his crossed arms held out in defense. Sakura was scrunched up as far as she could get away from him, holding her pillow in front of her like a shield, her jade eyes wide.

"S-Sasuke?" she whispered, looking absolutely shocked at him.

After glancing down several times at himself, he couldn't find anything out of the ordinary.

"Sakura, it's me. What's wrong, do I look different to you all of a sudden?"

She only gulped as one of those things on his head flicked as though in confusion.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe we should lay off doing _this_ for a while, if it upsets you when-"

He stopped. She watched his eyes open as wide as hers when he felt one of _them_. His other hand came up, gingerly feeling around until he found the other one, his fingers rubbing the angled tips as his mouth dropped open.

She squeaked when he scrambled up off of the floor, ignoring her calls of his name as he made a beeline into the bathroom.

Shaking her head at her pounding heart, she clambered to her feet, reluctantly relinquishing her pillow, and tiptoed after him, trying to wrap her mind around what she had just seen.

She found him standing in front of the bathroom mirror, shivering as he stood in his bare feet on the cold bathroom tiles, his hands shaking as his wide, dark eyes were glued to the top of his reflection's head.

"Sasuke…?" she said softly, noticing how he flinched at her voice. "What…what is this, Sasuke? Why do you have…?"

His shivering halted as he exhaled, his head drooping dejectedly as she sidled up next to him.

"I thought it was only a legend…" he murmured to himself.

"What was a legend?"

He turned to look at her, a sort of self-hating depression flashing in his coal-black eyes.

"An old story my mother used to tell my brother and me…it was about a member of our clan, an ancestor who lived hundreds of years ago…He fell in love with another man's soon-to-be-bride, and…kissed her before her wedding night…Doing that was a much bigger deal back then than it is now…"

Sakura noticed how his fists clenched as he spoke.

"The soon-to-be-groom found out, and placed a curse on the man, turning him into a household cat…saying the curse could only be undone if he married the woman he had kissed, which by then was impossible…The curse affected the entire male population of the family as well, any man who…kissed a girl before marriage was transformed into a cat. It was said as time went on, generation after generation, the curse grew weaker, affecting fewer parts of its victims' bodies…Eventually it would be wiped out, but before then, anybody who violated the curse would be…"

Sakura's eyes closed as she nodded. "I get it…So that's why you never kissed a girl, and why…_this_ didn't happen when Naruto…"

He winced, having hoped she wouldn't bring that up.

She glanced at their reflections in the mirror again, though now his strange transformation brought only sadness. The jet-black cat ears adorning the sides of his head no longer bristled up in fear, but flopped sadly downwards.

"It's all my fault…" she whispered sadly. "I did this to you…I wanted it so much…oh, Sasuke! I'm so sorry!"

"Shhh…" he hushed, holding her in a squeezing hug as she began to cry. "It's not your fault…I should've known…don't cry…"

"Sasuke…Sasuke…"

"It's going to be ok…"

She sniffled. "But…but how do we turn you back?"

He smiled warmly for the first time that morning, showing small, pointed fangs. "We get married of course."

He felt himself blush at how her watery eyes suddenly lit up.

"R-Really?!"

"It's the only way to remove the curse…and I love you."

"Oh, Sasuke!" she squealed happily. "Oh, you're the best, Sasuke!"

He smirked, glancing at his reflection's feline traits with a look that said _you guys are SO out of here._

"But Sasuke…what are we going to do about the tail?"

He froze.

"T-…tail?"

* * *

Because we all love kitty-nins, am I right?

Okies, hoping to make this my next big project. The usual 1-a-week updatign schedule. Expect silliness, mishaps, and lousy cat puns. And lubs, can't forget that! Just wait 'till the actual wedding...(snicker)

Our favorite Genin here, somewhere in their early-twenties. Everyone else, you do the math. I'm lazy beyond belief. Stay tuned!


	2. In Which an Uchiha Refuses A Tomato

**Meow! Chapter 2**

**In Which an Uchiha Refuses a Tomato**

* * *

"I called you in sick, Tsunade bought enough of it about my staying home to look after you to let me off the hook about hospital duty. We're all set, at least for the next three days or so."

She sighed at his unhappy nod as he lay, now fully clothed, in a depressed heap on his living room's couch.

"Sasuke…please don't be sad…we're going to fix you," she murmured in a vain attempt to cheer him up.

One of his drooping ears flicked, the feline equivalent of a "Yeah, whatever…"

"Oh, Sasuke…" she sighed, sitting on an unoccupied cushion beside him. "Don't be sad…please?"

At his lack of response, she thought to herself for a moment, before reaching out and laying her fingers just behind his transformed ears.

She smiled, noticing how he relaxed almost instantly when she started scratching gently around the soft, black, furred things adorning his head that instantly perked up at her touch.

_So…it's more than just ears and a tail that's different…It even affects his behavior…_

"Sasuke…" she giggled after a minute or so. "You're…"

One of his eyes cracked open when she stopped, with a look that clearly wanted her to keep scratching. "What is it?" he grumbled sleepily.

"You're…you…you were _purring_."

She almost burst out laughing when he literally bristled in annoyance.

"But it's cute!" she giggled.

"I don't _do_ cute," he mumbled huffily, his jet-black tail twitching in his frustration as its tip curled up from hanging around his knees.

Her arms found their way around him. "You're right…you do sexy _so_ much better."

He smirked and hugged her back, not realizing his head was rubbing affectionately against hers until she started laughing again, her tiny frame shaking with uncontrollable giggles.

"Stupid cats…" he muttered, scowling at his absolutely unfair predicament.

"Sasuke…" she said softly, remembering something.

"What is it?" he asked, surprised when she pulled away from him and gazed trustingly into his dark eyes.

"You…you said it happened if…does this mean that…I was your first?" she managed to ask.

Despite his protests, he did indeed look unimaginably cute when his eyes widened slightly in surprise at her question.

"Of course you were. I've never let anyone else as close as you. A lot of girls chased after me while I was…away from Konoha, but I kept ahead of them."

He couldn't possibly stay annoyed with her when her face lit up like that.

"Oh, Sasuke…" she whispered, cuddling back into his embrace. "You're the best…"

She giggled quietly when the silky-soft fuzziness of his tail tickled her hand, and decided against reminding him of the purring noises he was making as she hugged him.

_This is so weird…but…so…nice…_

She didn't notice how her thoughts trailed off as she stroked his hair, absentmindedly scratching around his furry ears again. He only purred in response, holding her closer in peaceful pleasure.

Her eyes opened in surprise when he froze suddenly, the fur on his ears bristling straight up.

"What is it, Sasuke?" she asked, concerned.

His eyes narrowed as he stared in the direction of the front door.

"It's…Naruto," he mumbled. "Outside."

She gasped, clambering to her feet and smoothing the wrinkles out of her clothes. "Oh no, no, no…Not now! Why now?!"

She glanced at him over her shoulder as she scurried out of the room. "Hide yourself, I'll do my best to stall him!"

Leaving the door to the living room open behind her just in case, she inhaled deeply before trotting off towards the front door, trying her best to come up with a plan to deter their teammate from entering. What could get him out quickly without the chance of return?

Sure enough, once she reached the house's entrance, somebody was hammering like crazy on the mercifully thick wood, rambling at the top of his lungs.

"Sakura? Sakura, are you in there? Tsunade said-"

She nervously pulled the door open to meet with a flustered Naruto.

"Naruto!" she whispered, gesturing for him to calm down. "Sasuke's _sick_, I'm taking care of him. Now be quiet or you'll wake him up!"

"But Sakura," protested the blonde, "I have to talk to him! It's about something from Tsunade!"

"Well, it can wait," she said. "He's asleep, he's got a high fever and shouldn't be woken up. Come back later."

"But Sakura-a-a," whined Naruto, giving her a pleading pout. "It's really, really important!"

"Then I'll tell him for you when he wakes up."

Naruto sighed. "You…you can't. It's…_that_ important."

"I told Tsunade he was sick!" she grumbled, smacking a hand against her forehead. "Why can't she remember a little something like that for once in her life?"

"Well, whatever he has, if it's not contagious, can I talk to him? What's he got, anyways?"

"Look, Naruto," she muttered, ignoring his question. "I'm really sorry but he's very sick, and can't see anyone right now. I'm just around to feed him, give him his medication, and clean up the puke."

_Score!_ she thought when the blonde turned a faint shade of green.

"But…but Sakura…" he said, lowering his voice to a whisper and leaning close to her ear. "It's…about _the Akatsuki_."

She flinched, shuddering.

"He's got to know…Hokage's orders."

"Well…" she mumbled, indecisiveness taking over her previously unshakable standing. "…I guess I could let you…but remember, he's _very_ ill."

"I know, Sakura. I won't do anything I shouldn't."

She took a step back, allowing her teammate to enter through the doorway.

"He's _upstairs_, probably _asleep_. Ok?" she said, enunciating key parts of the phrase, knowing Sasuke's heightened senses could pick it up from just about anywhere in the spacious house.

"Hmm? Yeah, sure."

"Ok, now…" she said in a hushed voice. "Be very quiet."

The quietness order was just a ruse to stall as long as possible, creeping slowly up the staircase and freezing at every creak and groan the old wood emitted.

"Geez, Sakura. You're kinda jumpy," remarked Naruto.

"Shh!" she hushed, putting her finger to her lips before turning back to the hallway leading to Sasuke's room.

"Sakura," he continued in a softer voice. "Why does this whole place smell like _cats_?"

She flinched, eyes wide. "What are you talking about?" she managed to say without stuttering.

"You heard me. It's like an animal shelter in here."

"Oh well, who knows? Now remember, be _very quiet_."

At his quick nod, she grasped the handle of the door to the bedroom, turning it as slowly as humanly possible.

"Sasuke?" she said quietly, relieved at seeing a large lump hiding under the bed covers. "Are you awake?"

The lump grunted, shifting a little.

"Sasuke, Naruto's here to see you…" she whispered, stepping cautiously into the room as if the floor was covered in mines.

"Nnnh…g'way…" both shinobi heard a raspy voice mutter.

"Wow…" whispered Naruto in surprise. "He didn't call me a moron. He really _is_ sick."

"Sasuke? Can you breathe under there?" asked Sakura, genuinely concerned for his lung capacity.

She smiled through her nervousness when his face appeared, the rest of him still covered by the blankets. He blinked, giving his best annoyed-frown as though they actually had woken him up. The dark circles around his eyes from their Movie Night certainly had come in handy.

"What is it, Sakura…?" He faked a yawn, careful to hide his fangs.

"Hey, stupid," said a grinning Naruto, elbowing past his female teammate to stand in front of the seemingly-bedridden shinobi. "Tsunade ordered me over here, just so you know."

"Go away, fool…" mumbled the Uchiha, retreating back under his sheets.

"Sasuke, listen to me," said Naruto, leaning close to the huddled lump. "It's about the Akatsuki guys."

The lump froze as Sakura winced.

"Th…The what?!" the two heard Sasuke's muffled voice blurt out before he emerged again, careful to keep his head covered by the blankets as he lay looking up at Naruto, still managing to look somewhat sick.

"Yeah…" murmured the blonde, "about them."

Sakura figured the fur on Sasuke's obscured ears and tail was probably standing straight up.

"Some of them have been sighted outside the village…really close to the gate. There was going to be a mission to go look for them, see what they were doing and all, and you were supposed to lead it, but…"

Sasuke moaned, closing his eyes. "It's not fair."

"But," said Naruto, his grin returning. "We're postponing the mission until you get better! So rest up and we can go hunt some rogue ninja!"

Sasuke muttered something about evil conspiracies involving viruses and blonde idiots for a few seconds.

"Come on, stupid," said a grinning Naruto, unaware of his teammate's terrified flinch when he nonchalantly knuckled him in the side of the head. "Get better, alright?"

"S-sure, he'll be fine, won't you, Sasuke?" blurted Sakura quickly, grabbing Naruto's wrist and steering him towards the exit. "Go back to sleep, you need your rest."

Naruto waved to his friend as he disappeared back under his sheets before the door was quickly closed.

"Come on now, Naruto," urged Sakura, almost shoving him down the stairs and out the front door. "Go home and wash your hands, don't come running to me if you catch his fever."

"Okie-dokie, Sakura!" he said cheerily. "See you when he's all better!"

She barely kept herself from slamming the door closed the minute he was gone.

She exhaled in relief, turning her back to the door and leaning against it as she slid onto the floor.

_Boy, that was a close one…_

"Is he gone?"

"Yeah, he's gone."

She breathed deeply as Sasuke appeared from where he had been hiding behind a wall, his tail swishing around his knees.

"What do we do now…?" wondered Sakura out loud. "Tsunade forgot you're 'out sick,' she's bound to send more people to come see you…And we're going to have to figure out what to do, seeing as you're needed for a big mission as soon as possible…"

"Well…" he murmured, helping her to her feet. "I don't know about that, but I'm starving."

She realized neither of them had eaten breakfast, and it was well into the afternoon.

"Come on, I'll make something edible, ok?"

"…All right."

* * *

"Here you go," Sakura said cheerily, plopping a ripe, juicy tomato in front of his face. "Something to chew on."

She went back to the kitchen, scanning the limited foodstuffs possible to use for something that wouldn't kill them at the first bite.

"Hey Sasuke, do you like mushrooms, or…"

She turned towards him, and trailed off immediately. He was still holding the tomato, staring at it almost wistfully. The mere fact that it hadn't yet disappeared was surprising.

"Sasuke…? What's wrong with it?"

He glanced up at her, his cat ears drooping sadly.

"I can't eat this," he said forlornly. "I'm thinking of…fish…and chicken…and _meat_…"

"Oh…" she said, nodding. "I see…That's not very fair. Making you hate your favorite food."

She took the red fruit, instead poking around in the cupboards until her hand closed around something.

"Here you are, beef jerky."

He smiled, showing those tiny fangs again. "Thanks."

"So…Sasuke…" she murmured as he crunched on the strip of hardened meat. "What's it like, if you don't mind my asking? Being part cat."

She almost burst out laughing again when one of his ears flicked before he answered. It was just too adorable.

"Annoying," he answered after a few seconds. "You…notice every little thing that moves, and get this urge to play with dangly stuff…and you itch all over, so you have to scratch against stuff…"

"So…should I get the vacuum if you start shedding?"

She giggled at his frowning pout.

"Oops, maybe we should go get a litter-box in case you have to pee!"

"Sakura…"

"Should I get a stuffed mouse while I'm at it? Or some tinned salmon? Or maybe a comb to brush you with?"

"_Sakura_…"

"Sorry, sorry, it's just too easy!" she laughed. "I'm sorry!"

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "And I'm going to put up with _you_ for the rest of my life."

"The rest of your _nine lives_!"

"…"

"What's the matter? Cat got your-"

To prevent her from making any more cat-related puns, Sasuke chose this moment to grab Sakura by the shoulders and crash his lips against hers. She shut up instantly.

"Mmm…Sasuke…" she murmured against his mouth, her fingers scratching his ears as he purred happily. "You know…"

"What?" he whispered, giving his best sleepy-gaze in hopes she'd stop talking and kiss.

"This would really suck if you had whiskers."

* * *

Ok, ok...the bad puns come from reading too much Dominic Deegan...and they won't stop here!


	3. A Friendly Chat

**Meow! Chapter Three**

**A friendly c(h)at**

* * *

"It's getting pretty late."

"I know."

"Shouldn't you…?"

"Nope. I'm staying with you again."

Sasuke gave his girlfriend a fanged smile. "Really?"

"Yup! But, we're going to have to be a bit more careful in case anyone shows up, you know."

"Fine by me."

"Ok," Sakura said to herself, counting on her fingers. "I've gotta run home to grab my toothbrush, my pajamas, and some other stuff. Think you can stay out of sight that long?"

"You know me."

"Good," she said, giving him a last ear-scratch and peck on the cheek. "See you in ten."

"Hmm," he hummed, hearing the resounding noise of the front door shutting behind her.

_Now…what to do 'till she gets back?_

Curling up to sleep on a chair worked for a while, until the setting sun kept him awake.

_Stupid nocturnal-ness…_

Raiding the fridge for anything fish-related was also a failure.

_So…bored…she has GOT to be taking more than ten minutes…_

While lying face-up on the rug in the living room, he froze when the fur on his ears and tail stood straight up, puffing out in surprise.

_Someone's here…_

"Took you long enough, little kitten."

If anyone had been watching, he would've been extremely embarrassed at how he had reacted to the strange voice coming out of nowhere. Bolting into a corner and crouching with his fur standing straight up, baring his fangs and hissing, even arching his back, just as a real cat would've done.

"A little jumpy, are we?"

His dark eyes widened.

"It's…it's you…" he whispered, calming down if only slightly. "You were there the day I ran back home after everyone was killed…"

"Correct, kitten."

Sasuke stared in disbelief as a cat, a real dark-gray cat, slid off of the shelf it had been perched on. From its voice, it sounded like a male.

_Wait…"Voice?!"_

"That's right, kitten. You can understand me now."

He flinched, unused to hearing common cats just appear out of nowhere and start up a friendly conversation.

"Put those away, kitten. I'm not here for a fight."

"Huh?"

Sasuke glanced down, and stared at his hands. Without his noticing, his fingernails had grown much longer, curving to sharp tips just like a cat's claws. As he relaxed, they seemed to retract back into his fingers until they were normal-length again.

"What do you want?" he asked the gray cat sitting on the carpet in front of him, licking its paws and washing itself.

"To talk to you, of course. It's been a while since I've seen one of you end up like this."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Did you come here just to make fun of me?"

Though the cat merely seemed to purr, to Sasuke it was a hearty laugh.

"Oh no, kitten, of course not. You're just like your father, he asked the same question."

Sasuke's mouth dropped open.

"My…my father?!"

"You got it, kitten. Though, he was a bit more of a hothead than you. Picked me up by the tail-"

Sasuke winced, his own tail instinctively curling underneath him.

"-Shook me, and demanded to know how to change himself back. Of course, after treatment like that I spat in his face and took off. You, I like you better, kitten."

"Wait, wait…you mean my father and my mother…?"

_So that's why I never saw him kiss Mother…it was out of instinct._

"Luckily," said the cat, "It was only a few days before their wedding, so they didn't have to worry about it long. His you-know-whats went away the moment they were wed. You, however, don't seem to have made any plans with your mate. Are you planning on getting bonded to her?"

"Of course I am," muttered Sasuke, looking away as he blushed. "But that's none of your business."

"Kitten, it _is_ my business. I've watched over your family for as long as I've been alive, just as my father did before me and his father before him. Everything you do, everything you even _think_, is my business."

"So…what do you want, oh great cat-guardian?"

Sasuke bristled when the cat began to purr-laugh again.

"Oh kitten, oh kitten. You tickle and old fool's bones, you do. But, I'll answer your question. You see, you're the only one who, at this point in time, can turn back into a boring old human."

"But-"

"I'm getting to that, kitten. Your brother, he's stuck. For life."

Sasuke almost burst out laughing at the mental image of Itachi with the standard cat ears and tail.

"How'd he…?"

The old cat sighed. "Pretty little thing, she was. If she hadn't gone and got herself killed, he might have had the chance to bond with her and change back. But, things being as they are, he went and got his effects removed by a Glow-Fingers."

"You mean…a medic-nin?"

"Whatever you call them, kitten. So, he's just like you, but he went and had his tail chopped off and his ears cut, molded around, and re-attached somewhere else."

Sasuke shuddered as the old cat continued.

"Now…You, you're not like him at all. And you just so happen to be the only one capable of someday being able to make Uchiha kittens."

"Wait…what? Itachi can't…?"

"Being a cat isn't all of the curse, kitten," murmured the cat, its tail flicking up. "Until you go and get yourself bonded to your little lady, no kittens for you."

_WHAT?!_ his mind screeched. _First I look like a circus freak, now he's saying I can never have kids if something happens to Sakura?!_

"So…what's your point?" he managed to say calmly, though his bristling fur completely gave him away.

"Well, kitten, I'm basically around to make sure it all happens."

The old cat laughed again at the Uchiha's horrified twitch.

"No, no, I'm not going to be sitting on your windowsill in the dead of night watching you make your kittens. I'll just be…an advisor, if you will. I've had many mates, you know."

"Uh, in case you haven't noticed, she's not a cat," murmured Sasuke. "I'm not going to be bringing her a dead mouse as an engagement gift anytime soon."

"Kitten, even in human years I'm older than you. Don't you think I would've learned something about human females in all that time?"

"I…guess…" grumbled an annoyed Sasuke.

Both cat and cat-human flinched suddenly, both sensed the human presence approaching the front door.

"She's back!" hissed Sasuke.

"Here, kitten," said the old cat, turning around and ducking, holding his gray tail up for Sasuke to see. "This'll help."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at a sparkle coming from the tip of the tail, but at the sound of the front door being unlocked he grabbed whatever the sparkly thing was and yanked it off.

"Ouch!" hissed the cat, before bolting off towards the back door, his claws clacking on the wooden floor as Sakura's voice rung out into the abandoned-looking house.

"Sasuke? It's me, I'm back!"

The Uchiha's head jerked up when she wandered into the living room, clutching a magenta-colored bag of bathroom stuff.

"Um, Sasuke?" she said with a sweat-drop. "Why are you crouched against the wall like that?"

"I was hiding."

"Not a very good hiding place," she mumbled, depositing her bag on the floor as he stood up, smoothing out his clothing.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing to his hand he had clenched shut in a vain attempt to keep her from seeing what it held.

"Er…um…" he mumbled, a tint of red invading his face.

_Stupid cat…_

"Come on, lemme see!" she pleaded cutely, giving him watery eyes as she pried at his fingers. "It looked shiny, what is it?"

"Um…"

He flinched at her gasp as she finally forced open his locked fingers.

"Oh, Sasuke…"

_The next time I see that cat, I'm going to strangle it. I could SO do this without its help._

"It's beautiful, Sasuke…"

He smiled embarrassedly, his furry ears flopping downwards.

"I'm, uh…glad you like it…"

But, as grouchy as he was about that stupid cat, he couldn't stay mad for long at the way her eyes lit up as she stared in wonder at the ring sitting smugly in his palm, decorated with a spiral of diamonds on a jewel-encrusted gold band.

"Sakura…"

"Huh?" she mumbled, her attention still riveted to the jewelry.

When she finally tore her gaze away from the captivating glitter of gold, her eyes went even wider to see him looking _up_ at her from where he was kneeling on the carpet.

"Sakura, I…I love you," he murmured, blushing furiously. "And, I know this is a bit rushed and all, but…let's get married?"

He felt drops of water land on his hand where they had fallen from her face.

"Oh, Sasuke…Sasuke!"

He smirked as she nearly bowled him over with a hug, knowing she wasn't crying out of sadness.

"Well…?" he whispered, stroking her hair as she squeezed him.

"You know the answer, you silly kitty."

"Don't call me that ever again, and I think we have a deal."

"Oh, Sasuke…" she whispered happily, his chin resting on top of her head. "We're going to fix you, just you wait…"

"Being with you is more important than that, Sakura."

"Sure…" she hummed, smiling with contentment. "But still, don't you worry, Sasuke…you're going to be just fine, I'll make sure of it."

* * *

"Hee-hee…hee-hee-ha…"

"What _is_ it, Sakura?"

"You're…you're tickling me!"

The cat-Uchiha exhaled, biting back a sleep-deprived groan.

_This is the LAST time, the LAST time I let her in here…_

"St-stop it, hee-hee!"

He grunted, and wriggled back into his sleeping bag so the perpetrator, namely his _tail_, was far away from being able to tickle his pink-haired roommate's legs.

"Oh…ok, ok…it's ok now…" she gasped, out of breath from laughing.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, wondering for the millionth time how she persuaded him to once again abandon his nice comfy bed in favor of lying on the cold, unforgiving basement floor.

"Sasuke?"

"Nhh?" he mumbled in reply.

He smiled a little to feel her hand alight on his shoulder and rolled over to face her.

"Sasuke…"

"What?"

"I'm cold."

He sighed. "Then get over here."

He could tell she was smiling contentedly as she scooted closer to him. Unlike him with only his lower half actually inside his sleeping bag, she was practically cocooned in hers, making it easy to wrap his arms around her and hug her tightly.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?" he mumbled, too sleepy to do anything else but inhale the heavenly scent her hair gave off when his nose was buried in it.

"You're…going to be expected to show up for missions tomorrow…"

"Hn…"

"I'll help you hide your…you know, so nobody will find out about it…ok?"

"Hn."

"I love you too, Sas-kitty."

"_Hn._"

"Hee-hee…"

* * *

"Hey guys! Teme, you're feeling better? Now we can get some action, eh?"

Sasuke winced at his hyper teammate's excessively loud voice. After a day and a half of nice, peaceful, Naruto-free noises, his hearing had to readjust to tone down the blonde's blaring voice.

"But, uh…what's with the…?"

"Naruto, leave Sasuke alone," ordered Sakura.

"The cloth part of my headband tore," mumbled Sasuke, his hands shoved in his pockets. "They only had bandannas for replacements."

Naruto thought for a (blissful) moment (of silence) before he began rambling again.

"Ok, I guess we need to update the vault. Reminds me of the time I was training with the Pervy Sage while you were off being emo, I had to explain to Iruka-sensei the one he gave me just wore out, y'know?"

"Yeah, sure…"

As Naruto babbled, Sakura snuck a sideways glance at Sasuke, relieved that the Konoha bandanna she had gotten him the previous night successfully concealed his ears.

"Kakashi's late again…" she murmured the moment Naruto stopped talking.

"What else is new?"

The three rolled their eyes in unison, knowing it'd be several hours before their laid-back former sensei showed up, with some inane excuse as to why he could never be on time.

"So, to the Hokage place?"

"A-yep."

"Hn."

_Something's different…_ Naruto thought to himself as the three sped off towards their standard destination. _I can't quite put my finger on it, but…Idiot and Sakura are acting kinda weird…_

* * *

"HI, GRANDMA! WHAT'S ON FOR TODAY?"

Naruto fumed as Tsunade smugly pulled a pair of earplugs out of her hair, smirking evilly.

"Stop laughing, Grandma," he grumbled, folding his arms and sulking as Sakura covered her mouth with her hand, and Sasuke…

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at the Uchiha's eye twitching from Naruto's voice, but dismissed it as his still recovering from his fever.

_Poor Sasuke…_ Sakura thought, glancing at him. _That must've killed his stronger hearing…oh, poor Sasuke…_

"Yes, you do have a mission. I'm pretty sure Naruto's already etched it into your mind."

"No kidding," complained Sakura. "You sent him over while I was watching _him_," she said, pointing to Sasuke. "I told you he was sick!"

"Not a valid excuse, Sakura. A simple fever won't get him out of much. Now, to business…"

_Finally, she gets to the point…_

"The mission itself is exclusively a scouting one, and you'll be with some of the other teams. You're to see what you can find of Akatsuki activity in the area, and report back here immediately with anything you find. If by chance you encounter one of them, do what you must to stay alive. We'll have extra squads on standby, so you have backup if you need it. Now, go."

"Come on, guys!" Naruto half-shouted, pumping his fist in the air enthusiastically. "Let's go hunt some criminals!"

* * *

Chapter three...Yeah. Next one involves dogs and more kitty-litter jokes. :P


	4. Predators and Prey

**Meow! Chapter Four**

**Predators and Prey**

* * *

"Hey guys! Ready to hunt some criminal ninja?"

Every one of the teams standing around rolled their eyes, all were used to hearing Naruto's "motivational" rallying cries.

Sakura counted three familiar teams among the various ninja milling around the gathering area. Shikamaru's, Hinata's, and Lee's.

"Greetings, Sakura! Your flower of youth blooms as beautifully as always!"

She giggled, glancing at Sasuke's frowning glare directed at the spandex-clad source of the flirt. Being the way he was, whenever Lee tried to hit on her he always got a little possessive, and though he'd never admit it, completely jealous.

"Hi, Lee," she answered simply, waving as Naruto went about yelling at Shikamaru to wake up and show some life.

_He's such a dunce sometimes,_ she thought to herself, noticing the female of the two Hyugas sneaking glances at the loud blonde, accompanied by vivid blushes. _He should notice her once in a while…_

"Hi, Sakura!"

"Hey, Tenten," she answered, smiling back at the brunette. "How's life?"

"Good, I think-"

Sakura blinked when the older girl trailed off.

"What?" she asked, confused for a moment.

Then she noticed what her chocolate-colored eyes were riveted to.

"Sakura…" mumbled Tenten, grabbing the hand Sakura tried to hide behind her back and holding it up to inspect.

"Sakura, is that…?" she whispered, squinting at the glinting light coming from Sakura's ring finger.

"Ummmm…yes," Sakura mumbled quickly, blushing.

"Oh my gosh…he did?!"

"Eh-yeah…"

She couldn't help but smile as Lee's teammate's eyes lit up as she grinned.

"That is the cutest thing in the world!" she squeaked, letting go of Sakura's hand and patting her on the head. "You two are finally getting serious! Ooh, everyone's going to know by lunchtime!"

"Aww, you're mean…" Sakura pretended to sulk as the older girl wandered off, probably to decide just how to spread the news that the together-since-forever couple was finally engaged.

_It's no big deal…it's just getting married…what, what am I saying?! I'm getting MARRIED!_

"OW!" Sasuke hissed without warning from behind her. "Kiba! Call off your dog!"

Sakura's eyes widened as she turned around, seeing the Inuzuka's dog, which had grown from a puppy to the size of a large wolf, growling loudly as Sasuke rubbed at the spot on his calf where it had nipped him.

"Akamaru?" said Kiba from where he stood next to Shino. "What's gotten into…?"

"Kiba?" said Naruto, confused when the Inuzuka trailed off, sniffing the air.

"That's weird…" the dog-ninja mumbled, taking a few steps closer to Sasuke. "There's this weird smell in the air…if I didn't know any better, I'd say…"

_Oh snap._

"Um…Sasuke…do you own a cat? Because…its scent is all over you."

"I knew it!" said Naruto, grinning as Sasuke's face flushed red. "Sasuke likes kitties, Sasuke likes kitties…" he laughed in a singsong voice.

"That's hardly mature, Naruto," interrupted Sakura, stepping between him and his red-faced friend. "So what? It's just a stray cat. What's wrong with taking care of a helpless little creature?"

"She made me…" mumbled the Uchiha, pointing to Sakura. "I don't like cats."

_Good plan…maybe they'll buy it._

"Never thought we'd catch you guys here."

"Hey!" shouted Naruto, pointing to the one who had spoken. "Other villages are in on this too?"

Shikamaru moaned as Temari glanced in his direction, smirking evilly. Kankuro merely nodded to acknowledge everyone else's presence, while Gaara remained silent, glaring at nothing in particular.

"Well…any help is welcome…" mumbled someone in the background.

"Yeah…Anyways, to business. Some of you need to fan out and search the eastern forest. A third will do a recon of the lake and waterfall. The rest of you, head towards the standalone mountains. Report back here if you find anything."

"Got it!"

* * *

_-Zzzt…crackle-crackle-_

_"You guys there?_

_"Yup."_

_"I'm here."_

_"Found anything yet?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Sorry, guys. Nothing."_

_"Call back in five."_

_"Got it."_

Sakura sighed, switching off the tiny microphone embedded rather uncomfortably in her ear. It was already the middle of the summery afternoon, and wickedly muggy. Not to mention the horde of mosquitoes bent on sucking dry every living creature.

_Ugh…I wonder how the others are doing…?_

Naruto had left with another group, using clones to scour every part of their designated area. There were a few outcrops of hills big enough to be classified mountains, but they were dangerously unstable piles of rocks with the potential to come tumbling down on the heads of the unwary.

_I hope nothing happens to Sasuke…_

Actually, he'd probably be better off, what with his powerful senses. He'd be able to tell where anyone was before they could try and pull something.

_And he had Gaara with him…that's defense down pat._

All that sand could protect that group easily…

The moment something clicked in her mind, she had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from bursting out laughing.

_Too…much…kitty litter! Ahahahahaha!_

* * *

"What?"

"Nothing."

Naruto squinted as his teammate shook his head, sighing. A pitiful attempt to ignore the ocean-colored eyes scrutinizing his every move. Since the two teams had temporarily taken a break after meeting up, he had a chance to study the Uchiha's bizarre behavior.

_He's acting weird…like, weirder than weird…and he's not sick anymore, so what is it…?_

"_What?_" grumbled Naruto's target, uncomfortable at being stared at.

"Nothing."

"Naruto, quit staring at Sasuke."

The blonde stuck his tongue out at the interrupter from one of the other groups before resuming his observations.

_He's all twitchy and jumpy…_

"Hey, Naruto?"

"Gah! Lee, don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Why are you spying on your teammate?"

"Well…" Naruto lowered his voice to a whisper. "He's been acting…weird. Y'know…nervous and stuff."

"Oh, that?" Lee chuckled sadly. "That's old news, Naruto. It'd be tough for anyone to even think about planning their wedding to their beautiful and youthful betrothed…"

"HE _WHAT_?!" screeched a shocked Naruto, nearly bursting the Gai-look-alike's eardrums.

"Y-you m-mean you d-didn't know…?"

"SASUKEEEEE!"

"I heard. Yes."

"How could you?!" Naruto pretended to sob, not bothering to sulk as his irritated best friend dodged the rock he aimed at his head. "How could you steal away our beloved Sakura, you horrible person?"

"Shut up, Naruto. You're making a scene," muttered a blushing Sasuke.

"Teme! How could you? She's meant to be free like a butterfly, and you want to tie her down with a domestic life?!"

"I said shut up!"

"How could y-?!"

Some other shinobi covered their mouths to hide amused chuckles as the Uchiha's foot met Naruto's face. By then, the fact that Sasuke had finally proposed was common knowledge.

"Waaaah! I'm telling Kakashi-sensei!"

"Hn."

* * *

_Hihihi…so many of them…can we eat them afterwards?_

_Nah…some would be useful as toys, maybe…_

_Hey…that one's your brother, isn't it?_

_…_

_Thought so._

_What about the Kyuubi brat, un?_

_We'll keep him and the Shukaku alive._

_And everyone else?_

_Total annihilation._

_Boom, un!_

_The kid with the Sharingan might be a bit of a problem…_

_…I will deal with him._

_You sure, un?_

_I know his weaknesses…_

_Whatever you say, un._

_Some of them are moving out._

_Follow anyone worth keeping an eye on._

_And the others?_

_Leave them alive until the last possible moment. If they find their comrades dead, they'll know something's up._

_Good plan, un._

_But remember, keep out of sight at all costs._

_That's a given._

_If there's even the slightest chance they saw something, retreat immediately._

_…Then can we eat them?_

_Some other time. Now…move out!_

* * *

"Sakura! See anything from up there?"

Sakura sighed, running a hand through her bubblegum-colored hair.

"Nope. Sorry," she shouted back down to the shinobi standing at the foot of the hill she was perched at the summit of.

"Ok then…get down from there, we'll try another one."

_Geez…_ muttered Sakura's Inner as she tried to find a foothold to get her down from her scorched rock pile without breaking a bone or two. _It's been hours and still nothing._

_I wonder how Sasuke's holding up…no, he'll be fine, nobody will know…and even if they did find out, what's the worst that could happen? Yeah…oh, no, that'd be bad…he might get carted off to some laboratory, and- WAIT! No, they can't do that to him! That's illegal, isn't it?!_

Her train of increasingly hysterical thoughts was cut short by a cyclone-like gust of wind accompanying an ear-shattering explosion. Sakura gritted her teeth and clung to the rock face as tree branches and other debris was flung around her by the wind

_What was THAT?!_ her Inner squeaked when the wind calmed. Cracking open one green eye told her that a patch of trees perilously close to her location had been blown away, leaving a smoking crater behind. The smoke was too thick to tell if anyone was there, but Sakura had a good idea of exactly what had set off a bomb of that magnitude.

"You guys!" she shouted back down to the group emerging from having taken cover from the blast. "That's them, all right!"

"Really?" squeaked one, glancing towards the destruction zone. "Are you positive?"

"Yep, I know the one that did that. He's a huge pyromaniac, and part of the team that tried to kidnap the Sand's Kazekage all those years ago. He's dangerous enough by himself, but just assume there's another one hiding around somewhere. These guys tend to go around in pairs."

"Then get down here and let's go find the others!"

* * *

-_Bzzzt-zzzt…-_

_"Ow! Stupid piece of…hello?"_

_"Sasuke! It's me!"_

_"Sakura? what is it?"_

_"Hey guys, what's up?"_

_"Naruto, my team found something!"_

_"What is it?"_

_"Yeah, what?"_

_"We think the enemy's making their move."_

_"…And?"_

_"Well, they just blew up a huge patch of forest…"_

_"Oh yeah, I heard that!"_

_"…So, where are you now?"_

_"Just outside the double-peaked hill pointing back toward the village."_

_"Good. Stay put, keep the team together."_

_"I know, Sasuke."_

_"Don't worry, Sakura! We're on our way!"_

_"Keep quiet, Naruto!"_

_"Oops…heh-heh, sorry."_

_"We'll be there in a few minutes. Stay calm."_

_"Ok. Over and out."_

"That's a call from the mountain group," explained Sasuke to the other shinobi listening intently to his conversation with his teammates. "There's been some activity, they think it's the enemy's first move. We're meeting up with them. Move out."

* * *

"Lee! That last call was from Sakura, she needs us over there pronto!" announced Naruto after switching off his own microphone.

"Roger that," answered Lee. "Come on, team! The war horn of youthfulness has sounded!"

Everyone decided not to comment on that analogy as they sped off towards the direction of the faraway explosion, incoming battles on their minds.

* * *

"Do you think it worked, Deidara-sempai?"

"Of course it did, un. The Sharingan kid and the Kyuubi brat will believe _anything_ their precious girlfriend tells them, un."

"You're amazing, sempai."

The former Stone ninja chuckled evilly, shaking his head of blonde hair. "Stupid Leaf nins, un. Too gullible for their own good, un."

"Do we blow 'em up?" asked Tobi excitedly, rubbing his hands together like a mad scientist. Deidara assumed he was smiling gleefully through his orange mask.

"Later, un. First we flush out the Kyuubi and Shukaku for the others to capture, un. Then we get the rest all in a big hole, and…BOOM, un!"

"Oooh, more bombs," said a clapping Tobi. "More bombs."

"Indeed, un."

"So…the others?"

"Surrounding the brats, un. Weren't you paying attention when we were given our orders, un?!"

"Weeeeell…" Tobi scratched the back of his head.

"You were watching a butterfly, un."

"But it was a _pwetty_ butterfly, sempai! Tobi likes pretty butterflies!"

Deidara sighed, shaking his blonde head and rolling his eyes. "I don't know why I put up with you, un."

"Because Pein-sama told you to!"

"Shut up, you're giving me a migraine, un. I'm too young for head problems, un."

"But Deidara-sempai, it _was_ a pretty butterfly! If you had seen it, it could've inspired your artsy-fartsy sculpting-whatsits!"

"Tobi, shut up, un."

"But Deidara-sempai-!"

"Shut up or I blow you to Kingdom Come, UN!"

* * *

Hahaha...Tobi and Dei-chan are hilarious. Yes, all but Saso are there. RIP, Saso-kun!

And yeah, I guess they saved Gaara's sorry butt before...well, anyone who reads the manga should know.


	5. DeiDei the Beaver

**Meow! Chapter Five**

**Deidei the beaver**

* * *

"Hold it."

The other members of Sasuke and Kiba's group stopped where they had landed, all were crouched in the braches of trees they had previously been speeding through.

"What is it?" one asked, before Kiba nodded, Akamaru by his side and growling.

"Yup, no doubt about it," murmured the dog-ninja. "There's someone following us."

Akamaru growled again, glaring in the direction the group had come from as some of its other members exchanged anxious glances. None of _them_ had sensed anything.

"Weird…it might just be one, though these guys are usually in pairs…" muttered Sasuke, thankful the thick fabric of his bandanna concealed his pricked-up ears. "Just one…"

He ignored Kiba's disbelieving stare, and spoke to the rest of the uneasy group.

"If the others need our help, we need to get there as fast as possible. But, if we do nothing about our pursuers, we might be leading them to that team."

"He's got a point," said one of the members. "What should we do?"

"How about an ambush?"

"But what if the others need our help?"

"Won't it be worse if we lead another one of these guys right to them?"

"But there'll be more of us if we meet up with them."

"But these guys are tough, even for the ANBU!"

"What chance would we have of taking one of them down?"

Kiba scratched his head thoughtfully. "What chance indeed…"

* * *

"Sem-PAI!"

A certain short-tempered blonde resisted the urge to backhand-slap his annoying teammate's orange-masked face.

"What. Is. It. Tobi. Un," he murmured through gritted teeth.

"They stopped!" whimpered Tobi. "Those guys who were supposed to be coming!"

"I've noticed, un."

"Why'd they stop?"

"Dunno, un…" murmured a smirking Deidara. "But if they won't come to us like good little bugs, they might as well get caught in a spider's web, un…C'mon, the others are waiting, un."

* * *

_Zzzzt-ztt-crackle-…_

_"OW! Hello?"_

_"Sasuke? It's me."_

_"S-Sakura? where are you?"_

_"I'm where I said I was! Where are YOU?!"_

_"Ugh…Sakura, just hang on…we're being held up."_

_"Sasu-keeeee…"_

_"I promise I'll be there soon, ok? Are you in any immediate danger?"_

_"Nope…we're still outside the blast area."_

_"Good. Now just sit there, I promise we'll be there soon."_

_"'K. Sakura out."_

"They're still safe."

"Good. So…what's the plan?"

Kiba grinned, patting the top of Akamaru's head. "Can we take 'em?"

"Nah. We're meeting up with Sakura's group. Let's go."

The members of that squad nodded, though Kiba did so with obvious disappointment, before speeding off into the trees towards the blasted crater.

_That's strange…_ thought the dog-ninja, glancing at Sasuke. _How'd he sense we were being followed? It takes almost one hundred percent animal senses to do that…maybe those Uchiha guys really are geniuses._

Akamaru barked to him, _He's a strange one, that dark-haired guy._

"Yeah, I know," murmured Kiba back, glancing again at his group teammate. "But what's up?"

_Dunno,_ whimpered the large dog. _But…ugh, he smells like EW. His normal scent is barely there under all that cat stink._

"So I've noticed…"

"Hey, you guys…"

The group slowed to a stop, one member sitting unmoving with his pointed finger extended.

"What is it?"

"What's this thing?" he asked, pointing to a vine hanging from a tree branch, on which sat a small, white-

"EVERYBODY RUN!"

_Boom._

* * *

"RAAAGH! TOBI, GET BACK HERE, UN!"

"Eeeeeek! Semapi's trying to kill meeeee!"

"Hahahaha…"

"SHUT UP, KONAN, UN! You could at least help me try to catch the little maggot, un!"

The rest of the very, very bored Akatsuki were having much more fun watching their enraged teammate lose his breath trying to catch his orange-masked tormentor.

"Hahahaha!" squealed Tobi from where he sat, swinging his legs as he perched on a tree branch. "Sempai's slowwww!"

"I'll…(huff) freakin' kill you, un…" panted the pyromaniac, death-glaring his teammate with his visible eye. "Blow you up into millions of little bits, un…"

Other black-clad criminals rolled their eyes. They all knew it was a virtual impossibility to catch Tobi after he'd done something wrong. Hidan, drenched in post-religiousness blood and guts, had been unable to stop him from getting away with forty bags of incense. Kisame had lost enough food to feed a whole village to the thieving miscreant. The only survivor of the Tobi-raids was Kakuzu, with his paranoia about money and ingenious hiding places. The little brat had even stolen Pein's piercing polish!

"Come on, Deidei! Up and at 'em!"

"Yeah, don't let him get away!"

"Don't you want his head on a plaque to hang over the ol' fireplace?"

"Come on, Deidei! You got 'im tree'd!"

"Set the hounds on him!"

"Set _Kisame_ on him!"

Kisame whimpered.

"Yeah, Deidei! Let's go Deidei, let's go!"

It was when Tobi began doing "the cheerleader dance" up in his tree branch that our beloved blonde's little mind went _snap_. Ignoring the catcalls, sulking Kisame and threats of disembowelment, he marched over to the orange-masked thief's tree with a crazed expression plastered across his face.

"Um…is he…?"

"Dude, he's totally trying to chew the tree down!"

"Oh my god! Ahahahaha!"

"Deidei's a beaver!"

"Go, Deidei, go!"

"No, Deidara! Don't do that! The tree has feelings too!"

"Look at that, he's spitting out bark."

"That _can't_ be good for your teeth…"

* * *

"Anybody dead?"

"Ungh…nope, still here."

"Ouch…"

Kiba merely blinked in openmouthed disbelief as other members of the troupe appeared from wherever they had hidden to avoid the blast from the explosion.

"Uchiha. How the freaking heck did you dodge that?!" he demanded, staring wide-eyed at his group-mate.

_Oh snap._

"Um…"

It appeared only Kiba was amazed at his for-now teammate's ability to have squeezed himself between two Siamese twin-tree trunks in a matter of nanoseconds. The other members of the group simply discarded it as "Oh well, they can all do that," but Kiba knew better. Even he himself would've had trouble finding and fitting into a space that small.

_What the heck is going on with him?!_

"Lucky guess…?"

"Bull," muttered the dog-ninja as the Uchiha dislodged himself, landing nimbly on the ground as the other shinobi checked themselves for injury.

"What's _up_ with him…?" he mumbled under his breath to Akamaru.

_Maybe he's been doing special training or something. That'd be just like him._

"Yeah, I know, but still…it's weird, even for him."

Sasuke pretended to inspect one of his dented shuriken to block out Kiba's whisperings, which he could hear perfectly but refrained from commenting on. "Normal" people couldn't hear things at such a low volume from that far away.

"That was an explosive from one of our targets. They can be shaped like birds, spiders, or flying blobs, so be on your guard for anything small and white. If nobody's too injured to go on, move out!"

* * *

_Boom!_

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Look at them all run, un!"

"Tobi thinks sempai should be more careful when making the trees go boom…"

"No way Tobi, un! Unpredictability, that's the beauty of it, un!"

"Tobi hopes they have insurance."

_Boom!_

Sakura considered her options from her hiding place just below the floating bird above her and its maniacal passengers. The spot was almost perfect, they were too busy aiming for clones of similarly-hiding ninja to think of looking directly below them, their blind spot.

_Ok…they're distracted enough, that's a good thing. But how to take them out? Naruto and Kakashi-sensei fought the crazy blondie last time, but Kakashi-sensei never said how they beat him…oh man, this is bad…Where are Naruto and Sasuke?_

"We're not _that_ blind, un."

Too late she noticed the little white bird perched inches to her left.

_Boom!_

"Hahahahaha! That'll each her, un."

"Nice shot, sempai. But she's not dead."

"Oh well, she will be soon enough, un. This one's for Sasori, un."

Several words learned from tutoring under Tsunade were uttered as Sakura urged chakra into the bleeding wound just above her elbow. It was deep, the shrapnel from something sharp had even torn the muscle. She gritted her teeth as the skin melted back together, thanking the gods above for having chosen to study medical ninjutsu.

As she flexed her fingers to make sure the nerves weren't damaged, her gaze involuntarily swept over the glittering jewelry decorating her ring finger. Though it pained her to do so, she slipped it off and stowed the little gold band in her weapons pouch. Better alive without it than dead when it would reflect the sunlight and give her position away to her attackers.

Unwilling to risk drawing the attention of the two causing those deafening explosions, she bit her lip nervously and wondered silently where her friends were.

* * *

"There they are!"

Naruto slowed his tree-crossing leaps to a stop, perched on a branch as he and the rest of his group studied the scene before them.

The forested landscape had been blown away in circles, the remaining trees looking like what was leftover after a child with a cookie-cutter had been through a sheet of dough. The areas ravaged by the explosions were still smoking, as off in the distance a white bird was visible, hovering with two figures in black standing on its back.

They all flinched as another explosion erupted by their targets, a cloud of dust and debris accompanying a rumbling bang.

"According to Hokage-sama's report, those two are Deidara of the Stone village and another, unknown member," read one of the Leaf shonibi form a scroll.

"That?" said Naruto without taking his eyes off the two in the distance. "That's Tobi."

"Tobi, then. His powers for now are unknown, so expect anything, especially the unexpected. Our priority here is finding the members of the other squad and getting them to safety quickly and efficiently."

"Roger!" all members agreed.

"Remember to not only watch out for the two up there. There are seven more of them hiding out in the trees, waiting for one of us to stumble into them. Don't be distracted if any of you encounter one of them, the noise will probably attract the two overhead, who will not hesitate to target your heads while you're fighting."

_Ok,_ thought Naruto, preparing to bolt off into the sparse trees before them. _I can do this. I'll find Sakura-chan, and when teme shows up he can help us take out these goons…_

"You don't think-"

Naruto's sentence was cut off as there was the _hiss_ of something crawling towards the group, and the next thing he knew, several black strings had erupted from the tree he was perched on, snaking lightning-fast around his legs and tying him down. From the confused shouts of the other group members, the same thing had happened to them.

"What is this?!"

"It's an attack!"

"No duh it's an attack, you fricken' retards. You think we're just gonna come up and politely ask to slice your heads off?"

Naruto turned his head as far as it would go, though he had already recognized that voice, almost as loud and obnoxious as Kiba's.

"Ooh, there's a lot of them, too," said the silver-haired Akatsuki standing before them, three-bladed scythe in hand. "They'll make up for those hearts, eh, Kakuzu?"

Noticing Naruto's head whipping around, Hidan laughed and pointed his weapon at him. "You think you're gonna find him? Nah, I got business with you. Your team can't screw with us a second time and come out alive, ya little rat."

"You guys!" shouted the blonde to the other Leaf shinobi, "Don't let that blade cut you! If your blood gets in his mouth, y-!"

The first blade of the sickle was suddenly and inch from his nose, making him flinch.

"You're royally screwed, we all get it," said the smirking religious ninja. "But, seeing as you can't run away, I don't think it matters."

_Um…Fox?_

**What do you want now, you brat?**

_Um…I was wondering if you'd HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS?!_

**Fine, fine…you really can't do anything on your own, can you?**

_Shut up._

* * *

UGH DX FINALLY it's rewritten enough to post. good GOD my brain is dead now.

Been rereading the chapters this hidan and kaku in them, just to make the upcoming fight authentic :D So you can't say i don't do my research.

Cracking on chap 6! look forward to it!


	6. Claws and Fangs

**Meow! Chapter Six**

**Claws and Fangs**

* * *

"What the f--?!" Hidan exclaimed in an uneasy tone as Naruto's body was surrounded by a glowing orange-red aura. "Kisame! Get your a-- over here, man!"

There was a _swoosh_ and a _thunk_ behind him, and Naruto knew the shark-Akatsuki and his chakra-eating sword has just done their duty.

"You f--ing dumba--!" shouted Hidan, waving his scythe. "What the f-- took you so long?! If he goes feral, we can all just kiss our a--es goodbye! Sh--face…"

"Put a sock in it," grumbled the Mist-nin, hoisting his monstrous sword back up to rest on his shoulder again. "You're lucky I was standing by for backup anyways. Can I snap the brat now?"

"He's probably sh--ted his pants by now, go ahead. This time, don't let him get away so easily or Pein's gonna b-- about it."

Naruto realized after a moment they were talking about him as the blue-skinned swordsman came towards him, mumbling, "I've got a bone to pick with this one."

A metallic _ting_ clunked against Kisame's sword, causing him to spin around and growl at the other captured shinobi with a death glare, making most of them flinch in absolute terror.

"Alright, which one of you threw that?" he demanded, pointing to the ineffective shuriken lying at his feet. "Fess up, or you're all vulture food."

Only Naruto noticed the marble-sized smoke bomb rolling towards them.

_Foom!_

Naruto's eyes opened wide at a familiar cheeping and crackling sound before a scorching burst of heat zoomed past him, slicing through the black threads holding him down.

"Yes!" he cheered to himself as he jumped off the branch. The sound of the Chidori, whether it was Kakashi's or Sasuke's he didn't know, continued as the other Leaf ninja were freed, darting out of the smoke cloud to escape.

"Where do you think you're going, Jinchuuriki?!"

"Gah!" Naruto exclaimed in surprise as black threads began surging out of the ground at every step.

"Don't let him get away, you f--ing retard!" shouted a frustrated Hidan, attempting to wave away the smoke.

The Chidori blazed right past him, clearing a temporary path through the strings. As the bomb's smoke began to clear, Naruto caught a glimpse of midnight-black hair before his best friend's irritated tone called out to him.

"Dobe! C'mere, get off the ground! It takes his threads longer to burrow through trees!"

Naruto obeyed, using the path to come close enough to jump into a safe tree before zooming off.

"Thanks, teme!" he shouted between panting breaths, "Those guys are-!"

The Uchiha's glare shut him up. He nodded, they'd have to be quiet to get away without being caught.

"Where's Sakura?" demanded Sasuke the moment they were far enough away from the Akatsuki.

"We were just gonna go look for her and the others when those guys attacked," explained Naruto, pointing, "Over…"

He paused, blinking in confusion.

"Over where?!"

"Um…Right…here…"

"It's that moment of dawning comprehension you live for, un," said a smug voice above them.

_Boom._

* * *

Sakura's head jerked up when an explosion went off dangerously close to where she was hiding. Gritting her teeth, she checked to see that the two on the bird were facing away before darting behind another tree, using genjutsu to melt into its surface.

_I hope that wasn't someone,_ she thought, attempting to calm her ragged breathing. She and the others had been doing this for an hour, running and ducking and hiding. How much longer would they have to wait until-?

"Geez, that was close."

Her head jerked up at the sound of Naruto's voice. Her eyes widened when he and—her heart still skipped a beat, even after all these years—Sasuke stumbled out of the undergrowth, blackened by soot and dirt blown from one of the bombs. Naruto immediately flopped down onto the ground, panting with his tongue hanging out like a puppy's.

"Too close, teme…" he muttered as the Uchiha leaned against a tree, also trying to catch his breath. "You better learn to teleport faster or we're goners."

"Naruto!" she called out, releasing the genjutsu and seeming to appear from within the tree. She pushed away the kunai that was immediately placed at her neck with a "It's me, guys! Sasuke?"

Her blonde teammate stepped back when the Uchiha nodded confirmation.

"Man, Sakura," said Naruto with a goofy grin. "We were looking all over for you."

"Sakura," Sasuke mumbled almost affectionately, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Don't run off again."

"I won't, Sasuke," she said with a smile. "You two should worry more about yoursel-"

"Sakura! Don't move!"

She blinked in confusion when Naruto's voice screamed from somewhere behind her. Turning around, her forest-green eyes opened wide when Naruto and Sasuke landed in front of her, having jumped off of a nearby tree branch.

_Wait…Naruto and Sasuke?_

She turned around to stare at the first Naruto and Sasuke behind her, who wore equally stunned expressions before glaring in unison and drawing their weapons.

"Sakura!" growled Naruto 1. "Get back, it's those Akatsuki guys in disguise!"

"Don't listen to that imposter!" shouted Naruto 2. "_They're_ the Akatsuki!"

"Shut up," ordered Sasuke 1. "I think she can tell just fine who's real and who's not."

Sakura blinked in confusion, their chakra signatures were absolutely identical.

"Sakura," Sasuke 2 said, "You know it's me. You've liked me since forever. Don't be fooled by that face over there."

"Quiet," hissed Sasuke 1. "You couldn't even fool _Naruto_ by pretending to be me."

"Hey!" both Narutos shouted together, staring angrily at Sasuke 1.

Sakura's head whipped back and forth, staring at both sets of her beloved teammates. It was impossible to tell them apart, every detail was the same.

Sasuke 1 stopped glowering at his counterpart to glance at her just once before his eyebrow rose in puzzlement.

"Sakura," he said, his eyes riveted to her hand. "Where's the ring I gave you?"

"Sasuke!" she gasped, before turning to glare at the other Naruto and Sasuke while drawing a string of shuriken.

Naruto 2 glared sideways at Sasuke 2. "This is all _your_ fault."

_Poof!_

The three Leaf ninja leaped backwards as a dark cloud of sharp weapons sped towards them from the smoke clouds. These were deflected with clinking sounds until the Leaf ninja landed on the grassy forest floor again, all eyes fixed on the clearing smoke.

Sakura and Naruto noticed the distinguishing green leaves of the plant-Akatsuki first, planning out tactics to get around his voracious and cannibalistic appetite.

Sasuke however, stared only at the shorter, darker figure where the fake him had been standing. Completely forgetting not to look, his sooty eyes met with his enemy's bloody crimson.

"Sasuke."

Sakura's voice snapped him back to the real world, reminding him not to look at those eyes.

"The ring. I took it off, it's in my weapons pouch," she told him without taking her eyes off of their opponents. "Remember that in case a fake me comes running up to you."

He nodded, unable to suppress the nervous gulp in his throat.

"Yum," said a dark voice as the giant leaves opened further, revealing a head of lime-green hair and a two-tone face below it. "Leaf shinobi. Don't set them on fire, Itachi. I want to savor their tastes."

"Sasuke," Naruto whispered, "We'll leave _him_ to you, Sakura and I will go for the walking salad."

"Fine."

"Kage-bunshin no jutsu!"

Sakura performed a series of hand seals as the crowd of yelling Narutos rushed the plantlike criminal. Sasuke stood where he was, his mind examining every battle plan he had in reserve to fight the older Uchiha.

He closed his eyes for a second, reopening them with the blood-colored Sharingan swirling into view.

_I won't lose…if I do, Naruto and Sakura are dead…_

The moment his target's leafy partner had melted into the ground to combat the other two, he charged forward, flinging a single kunai towards the older Uchiha.

The ex-ANBU easily sidestepped the weapon, merely blinking when it swerved around and came back at him, guided by the fine thread Sasuke had tied to his index finger.

As his sibling disappeared in a crowd of squawking crows, Sasuke jerked the knife back and caught it, narrowing his eyes as the screeching birds circled, surrounding him. He cursed under his breath as he clenched his eyes shut, forming a hand seal and concentrating in an attempt to dispel the genjutsu.

"Illusions never were your strong point, Sasuke. You were always better at battle ninjutsu."

_Shut up, shut up, go away, go away…_

"Gah!" he mumbled, wincing in pain as something struck him in the shoulder, just beside his throat as the birds disappeared.

_It's not real, it's not real…_

"What the-…?!"

He fell to his knees, clutching at the spot where he had been hit as it began to throb like a burn wound. He jerked his hand away and stared at it in horror when the skin began to turn snow-white, the color spreading like a disease as his fingernails turned gray.

_It's not real, it's not real, IT'S NOT REAL!_

"Owww…"

_Break the illusion, you idiot!_

Still concentrating, he clenched his eyes shut even as the burning feeling seemed to envelop him from head to foot. It almost felt like-

_No! I got rid of the curse seal! This is fake fake FAKE!_

Unwilling to give his tormentor the pleasure of hearing him scream, he gritted his teeth with closed eyes as the flawless reproduction of when he had received his curse mark from the long-dead Sanin devastated his body.

_Wh-what…?_ His mind shouted in alarm when he fell facedown in the dirt. _I can't move! What's going on?!_

"Sasuke?!"

_No, Sakura! Stay away! It's a genjutsu!_

"Sasuke, are you all right? Those guys are gone now…Sasuke?"

He felt her soft, gentle hands roll him over, and to his horror he discovered his skin had turned a diseased shade of ashen-gray.

"Sasuke? Sasuke, speak to me!"

_I can't, Sakura! I can't move!_

"Sasuke?! SASUKE?!"

If he had been in control of his eyes, they would've gone wide as she screamed his name, her hand grabbing at his nose and mouth.

"Naruto!" she shrieked, "Naruto, he's not breathing!"

_What?! Yes I am!_

Naruto's face loomed over him as the blonde quickly knelt next to Sakura, lifting his teammate's pale wrist up and thumbing his pulse.

"No…" his blue eyes went watery, "No, Sasuke, no…"

"Naruto…Naruto, what…"

Sasuke's mind screamed in frustration as Naruto embraced the sobbing Sakura.

"He's gone, Sakura…he's gone…"

"No! No, he can't be! Not Sasuke! Sasuke, Sasuke!"

_I'm alive, you fools!_

If he had been able to move, he would've winced when his beloved Sakura threw herself onto him, her eyes spilling out tears as her slender fingers cupped his cheek.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, don't, no…you can't…I love you too much!"

He felt her lips, warm against his cold ones for a moment, before she gasped as Naruto's hand covered his eyes.

_NO!_

He felt the hand lift, but the darkness remained. His eyes had closed.

"Sasuke…Sasuke, no…"

Sakura's voice seemed to grow farther away as he struggled to regain control of his body.

"Sasuke…Sasuke…"

Soon her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"Sasuke…"

_RELEASE!_

His eyes snapped open as he breathed deeply, sweat pouring down his face as he sat where he was, definitely not dead.

_Wait a minute…if I broke the genjutsu, then where's-?!_

For a split second, he had a perfect view of the sole of a black boot in extreme close-up. The next thing he knew, he was lying on his back several meters from where he had been sitting, his bones aching from the unorganized tumbling over rock-hard ground and his face throbbing where the foot had connected.

Cursing again, he held one hand against his sore cheek as he scrambled up into a crouch, glaring at his enemy standing before him, the man so pompous and arrogant he'd make himself a direct target for his opponent when he was down…

_Wait a minute…_

The Akatsuki member was…staring? But at _what_?

As he shifted a little, the overhead sun reflected right off of something shiny and straight into his eye from right next to him. Risking a glance to his left, he froze, his eyes also growing wide.

There, sitting in the dusty dirt where it had fallen after he had been kicked, was the reflective object.

His Leaf bandanna.

* * *

oh God I actually got around to doing it. Gomen nasai! (is dead)

And i really, really couldn't bring myself to write out Hidan's curse words...(feels retarded) but I had to keep him in character...so, compromise.


	7. Catnap

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**HALT! READ THIS IMPORTANT NOTE!**

**IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FANFICTION'S PREVIOUS CHAPTERS BEFORE JULY FIRST, 2008, I HIGHLY RECCOMEND YOU GO BACK AND REREAD THE RE-WRITTEN ONES, STARTING FROM CHAPTER FIVE.**

**Trust me, it'll make your life a lot easier...**

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**Meow! Chapter Seven**

**Catnaps**

* * *

"So Sasuke, which one do you like better?" Sakura asked, swiveling around in her chair to hold up the wedding catalogue she had been flipping through. "The one with the train or the one with all the ribbons?"

He only stared disbelievingly at her, his mouth hanging open.

"Sakura," he repeated, enunciating carefully, "Did you hear a word I just said?"

"Of course I did," she said, "But it's not that big of a deal."

"_Not…that…big…of a…deal?!_" he hissed. "Itachi _knows!_ Does that mean anything to you at all?!"

She sighed, closing her eyes. "Sasuke," she said softly, "As much as we hate to admit it, somebody was bound to find out sooner or later."

"But it was _Itachi_!" he wanted to practically spit the name out of his mouth, "For all we know, they're planning some scheme to take advantage of-!"

"Sasuke," she interrupted, something she never would've done as a Genin, "Calm down. First of all, it's a hard story to believe. 'Oh, hey guys, guess what, my brother's part cat, wanna plan something dastardly involving it?' And secondly, if you ignore it and help me set up this wedding, it won't matter because by the time they're done, you'll be back to normal and they can't harness your awesome powers of shedding on the carpet."

"I do not _shed_," he retorted, his ears flopping downwards. Even now, in the safety of his own home, they still itched from being held under his bandanna for so long.

"So, which one? Train or ribbons?"

"…Train," he answered after genuinely thinking about it for a few seconds.

"I should've known you'd be old-fashioned about it. Oh, and here's the updated guest list."

He scowled within two seconds of skimming the list of names she handed him. "Hyuga's coming?"

"He's Tenten's boyfriend, of course he's coming!"

"_Yamanaka?_"

_"_Her store's supplying the flowers, so we can't really say no."

"Why'd you even bother adding Kakashi?" he grumbled, dropping the paper on the table the two were seated at in his rather crowded study. "He's going to show up five hours later and wonder why everyone's gone home."

"Sasu-_ke_," she pursed her lips, "He'll come. I made sure of it."

He snorted, "Icha Icha DVD?"

She grinned evilly. "I have my sources. Now, back to business. I assume Naruto's going to be the best man?"

"Hn, whatever. He'll pitch a fit if he's not."

"Mm…do you think blue or green would be a better color for the bridesmaid dresses?"

"You're asking a male these things, Sakura."

"Fine, fine…"

* * *

"Hey Sakura. How 'bout this one?"

She glanced up from the wedding catalogue she had been thumbing through to raise an eyebrow. "It's a _wedding_, Ino, not a moshpit rave."

"Seriously," Tenten said from across the room, "Way too revealing. Find us something you'd hate. That's what we're looking for."

As the blonde grumbled and went back to looking through a dress magazine, Hinata tapped Sakura on the shoulder, twiddling her fingers as usual.

"Hm? What's up, Hinata?"

"Um…well, uh…N-Naruto told me to ask you…"

"Does it have anything to do with ramen?"

The Byakugan-wielder nodded sadly. "Um, well…he…he said he could get…um…Ichiraku's to…to um, cater…"

"Hinata," Sakura sighed, "Can you tell him I appreciate the offer, but I don't think anyone but him would enjoy a wedding feast consisting entirely of gourmet noodles?"

"Um, sure…ok…I will…"

"Thanks."

"Hey," said Tenten from where she sat amongst piles of matrimonial paraphernalia, "What if we had someone release a bunch of white doves when you walk down the aisle? The wedding's outside, after all."

Sakura rolled her jade-colored eyes, "Tenten, we all know how it goes. They're going to pee on someone, or attack some kid with a bag of crackers, or somehow disrupt the cosmic flow. Let's not, and save ourselves some embarrassing photos in advance."

"Somebody's paranoid."

"Not paranoid, just careful. I've had a few too many wedding-gone-wrong stories told to me in my lifetime, and I'm not taking any chances."

Eye-rollings were accompanied by varied mutters of "Paranoid…"

* * *

"Hey! Wassup teme, you heartbreaker, you!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as Naruto thumped him on the back. "Not now, dobe. Not in the mood."

"Ooh, someone's touchy this morning," teased the blonde, "Did Sakura-chan call off the wedding because she fell for my dashing good looks after all?"

"Dobe, don't even go there."

"I knew it, you're about as much of a wedding planner as I am a dentist. So what's the problem? Sakura wanted you to try on her dresses for her?"

Sasuke only glared at his best friend's grin.

"Or did the death-metal band you wanted to play at the reception cancel? Maybe the bakery couldn't fit enough tomatoes in the cake. Is that it?"

"Dobe, shut up."

"Hey, did I mention I could get Ichiraku's to provide the food? Those guys are more than willing, 'cuz I'm their best customer and all, and- Hey! Hey, teme, don't you ignore me!"

Sasuke merely closed his eyes, resisting the urge to scratch his itching ears under that scratchy bandanna and praying that nobody else would-

"Uchiha! How is the planning of your youthful wedding to the beautiful Sakura? It must match her beauty perfectly, yes?"

He groaned, and wished he had stayed in bed today.

* * *

"Sasuke, come on…we should really be getting those decorations plans finished…"

"We should."

"Sasuke, come _on_…"

"Isn't the point of a wedding to marry people who _want_ to spend their lives like this?"

She managed a smile as she sat curled up in their chair in his living room, her legs draped across his lap. "I don't plan on spending my life sitting in this chair, Sasuke."

He only purred as she scratched behind his ears, his fluffy tail waving back and forth in pleasure. "Why not?"

"Well, how would I use the bathroom?"

She giggled at his disgusted expression before stealing a peck on his slightly pink-tinted cheek.

"You're such a literalist, Sakura," he murmured, her head resting against his shoulder.

"But that's why my widdle kitty lubbles me, yes he does," she cooed, rubbing her nose against his.

"I told you to stop that," he mumbled, his face bright red. "It's embarrassing."

"But you _looooove_ it, don't you."

She smirked in triumph at his silent sulk.

"Now let go of me and I can finish those plans."

"I don't think so."

* * *

_She sighed to herself, dropping her pile of paperwork on her kitchen table as she locked the front door behind her. She should've outgrown homework after graduating the Academy, and here she was, filling out hospital reports in what should be her free time._

_"Sasuke, I'm home!"_

_Ignoring the silence that answered her, she strode over to one of her cupboards and opened it, taking out a small cylindrical can before rooting through a drawer for the can opener._

_She smirked to hear the click-clack of little claws on the hardwood floor as the sound of the can opener echoed throughout her apartment._

_"Hungry, are we?" she said brightly, for he always came when there was food involved. "Here you go, sweetums."_

_The can-shaped blob of vitamin-fortified fish paste made a wet sucking noise as it plopped out of the can and into the little plastic bowl on the floor below it._

_She smiled as he trotted towards her, his tail held high in the air signifying his good mood. She sat back in a nearby kitchen chair to watch as he sniffed the food in his bowl before licking at it, stopping every now and then to crunch a harder chunk between his fangs._

_"He's so cute," she thought out loud. "Much better than having a real cat."_

_The moment the basketball-sized Uchiha finished, he quickly scampered over to her, gazing up at her with his big, coal-colored eyes. She smiled, gently scooping him up and holding him over her shoulder like a baby as she entered the living room, settling down on her favorite armchair as he turned around in her lap a few times before lying down._

_"I had a good day today," she said to him as he purred, her hand scratching behind his little kitty ears. "The coffee machine didn't die by the time I got to it during break. There were no emergency room cases today. The weather was nice and sunny, and I know you like lying in the sun. It was a good day."_

_He only purred in response, flipping himself over so she could scratch his furry little tummy. He needed a brushing, she thought to herself as he rolled over, allowing her to lift his little blue shirt to scratch his back. His raven-colored fur was getting matted, she'd have to find some free time to brush him._

_He continued to purr, his eyes closed in delight, his tail swaying from the tiny hole in his miniature white shorts. Some people called her obsessed for dressing up her little pet, but somehow he looked natural in the clothes she made for him. Especially the ones with the pretty little fans on the backs…_

_She wiped away a leftover streak of fish from the corner of his cutely fanged mouth, giggling to herself as his little paws batted at her finger in retaliation. She would comb his hair while she was at it, she thought to herself while gently rubbing his head, the only human-looking part of him. Maybe give him a trim as well…_

_He mewed softly when she stopped petting him, still curled up in her lap. Glancing once at the clock, she wondered how on earth the time had flown by, it was already late at night…_

_She yawned, stretching her arms out above her head. "Off we go now," she shooed him off of her lap, "It's bedtime, and I need my sleep. Tsunade's going to want that presentation finished by quitting time tomorrow."_

_He darted on ahead of her, his claws clacking on the floor, so by the time she entered her room he had already claimed the dark-blue pillow she kept on her bed just for him._

_His soot-colored eyes glittered in the bathroom light after she emerged, teeth cleaned, hair brushed, and pajama-clad. Call her crazy, but she felt it wrong to let him see her changing. Hence, the bathroom routine._

_"Night-night," she whispered, clambering into her bed and kissing his little forehead before switching off the lights. "Big day tomorrow. Sweet dreams, baby."_

_She closed her eyes, yawning once more before settling down to wait for her trip to Dreamland. Just before dozing off, she felt a furry little body pad across the covers and snuggle up against her._

_Cracking open one eye, she smiled to see him asleep in a moment, cuddled against her side. His little mouth hung open in his slumber, his tiny fangs just visible when he inhaled. She stuck out a finger to stroke him just once before closing her eyes again, feeling the awaited sleep overcoming her…_

"Sasuke…"

His eyes opened groggily when she mumbled his name in her sleep. He remembered that this was the fifth night in a row she had somehow duped him into sleeping on the floor in lumpy sleeping bags, but, he thought guiltily, as long as she was with him, it didn't really matter. Though he'd never, ever admit it to her face.

"Sasuke…" she whispered again, her head resting against his chest as she lay perpendicular to him, using him as an impromptu pillow. He sighed, not exactly anticipating the aches he was going to have in the morning from the weight of her head on his torso all night long…

"I love you, Sasuke…" she murmured in her sleep, turning to unknowingly face him as she lay on her side. "I love you…"

In a moment, his abdominal pain vanished as he smiled, guiltily caressing her cheek before relaxing, slowly so that he wouldn't jar her awake.

He supposed he could endure a few more nights of this…but just a few. If only so he could hear more "I love you-s."

He smirked sleepily to himself. Guilty as charged.

* * *

Heeere coomes the fluuuuf...(desperately tries to think of another line...) ok, scratch that. Anyways, happy fourth of July! I knwo it comes later, but eh!

And as in most of my fics over 3 chapters, I had to stick in a random dream sequence. long live inspiring DA art.


	8. Cat and Mouse

**Meow! Chapter Eight**

**Cat and Mouse**

* * *

"Stupid…"

Our favorite Uchiha sometimes wondered whether he was referring to his soon-to-be wife, himself, or the dobe even though he had nothing to do with the situation at hand whatsoever. Sometimes Sasuke just needed a scapegoat to vent on.

"Stupid, fricken' idiot…"

_You mad because she made you actually have to think about something?_

He shook his head, even though Sakura was out having another "planning session" with her friends…and that annoying blonde girl with the flowers…and that Hyuga girl that likes the dobe…

_Focus, Sasuke, focus…_

And here he was, unable to make one of the simplest decisions his loving (and slightly abusive) girlfriend of two lovable years had unloaded on him so far.

_Come ON, you retard…it's not like you're choosing between living with Kakashi or Naruto…_

Cue disturbed shudder.

_Just pick the lesser of two evils. Where's all that amazing Jonin choice-making junk you had burned into your brain? Just choose!_

His eyes flicked back and forth incessantly between the two finalists Sakura had conveniently copy-and-pasted onto a single sheet of paper for him. Really, he'd have a lot less to worry about once she was his wife…

_Focus, you moron! It's not that hard! Tux or robe? Tux or robe?_

He swore silently at himself. One the one hand, a tuxedo would be more modern…on the other, those eternally-obsessive fangirls would try to kidnap him before he was halfway to the outdoor shrine…a montsuki kimono would be more formal and traditional…but Sakura had already found herself a dress, so they'd look mismatched…

_Oh, for the love of-!_

"Having fun, kitten?"

Again, he would've been severely humiliated if anyone saw him curse in a high tone, his shocked jolt at the voice coming from behind causing him to fall backwards out of the chair he had been curled up in.

"Shut up," he growled angrily at that snickering purr-laugh as he glared at that gray cat from before. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Checking up on you, of course. You seem fine."

"I'm not a baby," he grumbled, clambering back into his nice, soft armchair. "Go away."

"I have no intention of doing so, kitten."

_Oh, perfect. Just how I want to spend my evening._

"Your mate's quite a looker for you human males."

He glared irately before returning to his paper with the two pictures on it. "Hmph."

"You find her beautiful and attractive."

"Of course I do." _Ignore the blush, it's not welcome here…_

"Are you sure she's adequately protected?"

"Get to the point."

"I'm saying, kitten, are you sure she's secure with you?"

"Sakura's _mine_, you stupid furball."

"I'm aware of that. But if you find her attractive, there must be other males who do so as well."

_Well there IS that one guy at the convenience store that looks at her funny…_

"I can take care of her," he mumbled, unable to concentrate on his former predicament.

"Are you absolutely sure, kitten?"

He nodded slightly, all without looking at the gray-furred mammal once.

"I'm just worried about you, kitten."

"You're not my mom."

"I'm your guardian. You're the last Uchiha able to bring a powerful family back from the dust. I've seen many a wedding where the female is swept off by another male mere hours before she is meant to be wed to her supposed love."

"Are you _trying_ to give me headaches?!"

"No, kitten. Far from it."

"Then stop giving me all these stupid…stupid…!"

He sighed, closing his eyes without finishing his sentence, his ebony-furred tail sagging downwards as he turned around in his chair so that his face was pressed against the slightly scratchy fabric, well away from the cat's gaze.

"It's called worry, kitten," said the cat softly as it padded over to the other side of the cushions to whisper at his head.

"I _know_ what it's called," he mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by his talking into a pillow.

"But you've never felt it like this before, have you? Never when you just can't seem to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong."

He muttered something incomprehensible in return.

"You're young, kitten," said the old cat, whispering directly into one drooping ear. "Everything seems new and so big you can never prevail over it…despite everything you know, your father was the same way."

He said nothing.

"He was a little more hysterical than you, but…he felt the same fear that you did. And after overcoming what he thought he'd never survive, he realized he could control his life however he wanted it. That's how the bratty kid I was put in charge of became the proud, noble man you know."

"Mmf."

"You, kitten, you're a lot like him. You're scared. You've felt fear before, but it was always something standing in front of you that you could run away from. You can't run away from this, kitten. And that's what scares you."

"Do you _ever_ stop talking?"

"You're out of luck there, kitten. Not when there's someone around to listen."

For a few minutes, there was silence as Sasuke truly thought about what had just been said to him.

_This…is this really…fear? It must be…it's that same jittery, gut-wrenching feeling…but I'm not that scared…I can't be…am I?_

"Don't hate yourself for being afraid, kitten," said the cat, stretching his paws out in front of him. "Hate yourself only if you would scamper off rather than face it."

"You are officially the most _annoying_ animal I've ever met."

The cat purr-laughed again. "Judging by the people you call annoying, I'd take that as a compliment. I remember when you were a little adolescent, all you did was sneer and scowl and call that girl on your team 'annoying.' Oh, I wonder what she's doing now?"

"Hn," he mumbled, refusing to admit defeat.

"Well, I'll leave you to your _pressing matters_, kitten," said the cat as it hopped onto the floor, taking a last stretch before trotting towards the door and glancing over its furry shoulder one last time.

"And take the robe. It matches your ears."

Sasuke only glared at the retreating fuzzy backside before returning to his paper.

_Tux it is._

* * *

"Here you go, Sasuke!" she chirped cheerfully. "Best cuts they had!"

He only purred as she tore the plastic off of the thick, juicy steak from an outside-the-district grocery store. The ice clinging to it only made it look more delicious…

"You know, Sasuke," she murmured after setting his microwave to Defrost, "I think…well, not that I'd prefer this over the old you, but…it's kinda easier to tell what you're feeling now that you're…well…When you're happy, you purr. When you're angry, you hiss. When you're scared, your fuzz poofs out."

He decided to ignore her cutesy reference to his (guiltily well-groomed) animal parts.

"Back then, it was kinda hard to tell…I could sometimes, but not all the time."

_Really…? Even you, Sakura?_

"I guess it comes from good training, huh?" she said with a wistful smile. "Sometimes I wish I could do that, be all cool and emotionless. But not all the time."

_Because you'd act just like me?_ he thought to himself. _That's a good thing. Honestly, I'd hate to hang out with myself._

"But you're still my Sasuke," she cooed, smiling at his satisfied purrs as her fingers scratched behind his perked-up ears, his coal-colored eyes closed in pleasure.

The only thing that could've snapped him out of his contented two-minute spacing out was the _ding_ signifying mouth-watering bliss in the near future.

"Oops, looks like it's done," observed Sakura, drawing her fingers back as she strolled over to the beeping microwave.

_Perfect…_ thought her daydreaming boyfriend, though whether he was referring to the heavenly smell that appeared, or the pink-haired kunoichi's hips swaying as her long-handled fork coaxed the sizzling meat onto a plate, remained forever a mystery.

"Dinner, Sasuke!" she pretended to call, stealing a quick peck on his rosy cheek as she swept past him towards the table. "It's like we're already married, yeesh…"

He only smiled. Not smirked, as he was prone to doing, but smiled in warm-and-fuzzy satisfaction at everything and nothing at the same time.

_Hmm…_ she thought to herself while watching him devour his generous slices of meat, his fangs visible whenever his mouth was open. She'd never seen him eat anything so eagerly, even his beloved tomatoes…and he always had his mouth as closed as possible, recently done to prevent his fangs from showing…

_This is so weird…I feel like I've seen this before…except it was fish, not steak…but where?_

"Sasuke? I have this weird urge to sit on a chair and pet you for hours on end."

"Fine by me."

"With you curled up in my lap like a real kitty…"

"Ok…"

"And you were only as big as a jumbo-sized bowling ball…"

He responded with a raised-eyebrow stare that blatantly expressed his doubt in her sanity.

"…Never mind."

* * *

"Looking spiffy, teme!"

"Shut up, d—Ouch!"

"Hol' ftill," murmured Tenten through a mouthful of pins, "Wai' fill I'm done."

"Might be a while, Tenten," teased Naruto, "Vanity knows no limits."

"Asking for my clan symbol on the back is _not_ vanity," muttered Sasuke, just loud enough for his hyper best friend to hear as Tenten pinned up the rest of his custom-ordered tuxedo. "It's on everything else I own, so what's the difference?"

"Is it on your _undies_?"

He decided not to reply with a snide comment, instead opting for a simple glare.

"I bet it is, I'll go ask Sakura-chan…she would know, 'cuz she does all your laundry…"

"Dobe, don't even th—Ow!"

"Ftop moving."

"Poor teme," Naruto snickered from where he sat, tilting backwards in his seat in Neji's girlfriend's "Project Room." Watching his best friend get punched by Sakura for whatever reason was always entertaining, but _this_. This took the cake by a long shot.

"Aaaand…done!" announced aforementioned walking weapons warehouse, stepping back and spitting out her mouthful of seamstress pins.

"Not bad teme," teased Naruto, "You might outshine Lee if you're lucky."

"Naruto be nice," scolded Tenten. "We've all worked hard on this wedding, and I think he looks perfect. What do you think, Sasuke?"

His right eye merely twitched.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, grasping and slowly pulling out an oddly-angled pin from just above his hip, staring at the red liquid coating the first few centimeters. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know that one broke the skin! You should learn to quit ignoring the pain and tell someone about it, sheesh…"

"Ow."

"Ha! Sakura's going to be stuck with a pincushion for life? Oh man, I feel sorry for her already!"

"_Dobe_…if you don't shut _up_, you're not coming to the wedding _at all_."

"I'll be good."

* * *

_The hunter watches his prey, watches it scurry around, searching desperately for escape…but escape is futile, they both know it but one constantly denies its fate…_

His obsidian eyes roved slowly back and forth, his tail swaying like a cobra as he crouched just around the room's doorway.

_Escape is impossible…especially for a walking target like this…every breath, every twitch, it is all sensed…its scent radiates from its body, alerting all the world to its presence…_

His claws extended silently at the skittering noise of tiny feet echoing from the other side of the doorway. Soon enough, it would round the corner in its habitual hurry. And he'd be prepared.

_He is contented, feeling the rush, the anticipation. He belongs here, the thrill of the chase and capture allures him. Especially the imminent victory whose sweetness he would soon taste…_

The noise grew closer. And, sure enough, its source came scampering around the corner, keeping close to the wall as not to attract predators, and-

_Bam._

His clawed hand shot out with lightning speed, his fangs showing as he smirked triumphantly, feeling the little furry object wriggle pitifully in his grasp.

_The hunter wins again,_ he thought to himself, satisfied with simply watching the creature try to escape. He'd let it go soon enough, and prepare to catch it again some other time-

"Sasuke? What are you doing?"

He froze, his eyes widening as his tail and ears drooped downwards as if wilting.

"What's tha- Sasuke! Is that a rat?! What are you doing?!"

He quickly thought over what answers he could give her.

"I was…" he began, "Catching it…"

"_Why_?" she demanded, obviously asking herself if he was intending to (shudder) _eat_ the disgusting little thing.

"Because it was noisy," he finished, his fuzzy ears perking back up to illustrate his point. "And it bothered me."

"Oh," she sighed, and he could tell her eyes were closing in relief. "That's ok, then."

"I'm not _that_ much gone," he mumbled, getting to his feet with the rodent still clamped between his fingers. "Don't make assumptions."

"Sorry, Sasuke. Where are you going?"

"To put it outside, of course."

"Ok! I'm gonna go start lunch."

The moment she disappeared into his—no, _their_ kitchen, he smirked to himself, releasing the little animal back into the room he had found it in. Few things entertained Uchiha Sasuke, and those that did wouldn't be thrown away so carelessly.

_Until next time, my friend._

* * *

And the Authoress looked down upon Her Fic, and She saw that It was good. And She said "Let there be Fluff!"

X.X


	9. Total Life Count: Eight

**Meow! Chapter Nine**

**Total Life Count: Eight.**

* * *

"If you're scared, you can hold my hand, Sasuke."

"I am _not_ scared."

She smiled to herself when he took her offered hand anyways. "It's not like you're on death row. Calm down, you're positively shivering."

He merely muttered something inaudible under his breath.

"Ok…ready?"

He nodded, gulping quietly and squeezing her fingers as she rang the doorbell of the house in front of them. He had only been there once before, many years ago…Back in the Academy when she had been sick and he'd been assigned to bring her the day's homework…

"Coming!" called a woman's voice from within, before the door opened inwards.

He blinked in surprise at the shock of pink tresses standing before him, almost identical to his lovely Sakura's. So _this_ is where that crazy (yet strangely attractive) hair came from…

"You must be Sasuke!" said the woman cheerfully, grabbing his available and sweaty palm to shake it heartily. "I can't imagine why our little puddin' cup wouldn't bring you home sooner!"

"Mo-o-om," murmured Sakura, her cheeks turning red as she rolled her eyes at the pet name.

"Come on in, kiddies!" Mrs. Haruno smiled, opening the door wider and allowing the two to enter.

The first thing he noticed was the _smell_. It was slightly flowery, yet plastic. Probably a plug-in air freshener. Though, ordinary human senses of smell probably couldn't pick it up. He decided to remain quiet.

"Good job, jellybean," cooed Sakura's mother. "He's quite a catch."

"_Mo-o-om!_"

"'Zis the thieving rascal bent on stealing our little girl?" boomed a voice behind them.

He turned around, firstly noticing the disappointment that he hadn't jumped when shouted at. For once he was glad for the powered-up hearing hidden under his Leaf bandanna.

"Hmm…" murmured Mr. Haruno, a worn-looking, middle-aged man with streaks of gray in his chestnut-colored hair. "Hmm…" was repeated as he circled the confused Uchiha, scrutinizing every detail of his appearance. Sasuke immediately felt conscious of his tail, almost wondering if the man could see it through his pant leg where it hung, straight as a ruler and hopefully inconspicuous…

"I don't like him," he stated at last. "He looks like the kind that'll drop out when the pressure hits."

"Daddy!" gasped Sakura, "How could you say something like that?!"

_Wait…if his hair is brown…oh no…that means the gene for pink hair is…DOMINANT?!_

"Them pretty-boys always think they own the world. That's just the way it is, Sweetheart."

"Dad," she protested, "He's not like that! He would never-!"

He resisted the urge to hiss angrily when his future father-in-law thumped him on the back, almost knocking the wind out of him.

"From one of those uppity _clans_ too? Boy's lucky he's got two feet to walk on, let alone pilfering my babycakes."

"Mom!" Sakura complained, helping her abused boyfriend back up as he tried not to growl and show his fangs. "Dad's overreacting again!"

"Sorry Sweetie," her mother chirped, "He just wants the best for you. Our grandchildren will be bred as best we can manage, honey-pie."

He twitched, shooting a disbelieving glance at his beloved fiancée. Her parents were _nuts_.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" her mother clapped her hands together. "Enough chitchat everybody, food's on the table. And just like you asked, sweetie-poo, I made that tuna casserole you wanted. Now go wash up."

He exhaled in relief as Sakura grabbed his arm and led him down one of the house's hallways. At least _something_ was going right.

"Sorry about them," she whispered to him as they neared a bathroom. "Dad's always been overprotective, and Mom's a bit eager for grandkids…"

"It's ok," he answered as she turned the faucet on, squirting soap onto her hands and rubbing.

"Well…no offence, but they're kinda wary about you, Sasuke. To them, you're the ignorant guy I fawned over for years, the jerk who left me on a bench to leave the village, and the lowlife with enough nerve to come back and steal my heart all over again."

"That's understandable," he murmured, taking his turn at the sink as she dried her hands.

"So…just expect a lot of grilling," she advised, taking his hand again and leading him down another hall. "Think you can survive?"

"I'll do my best."

* * *

"Forget the formalities, kids. Dig in! I know those weddings can be a pressure cooker."

He exhaled a tension-filled breath, copying Sakura and carefully reaching for his chopsticks.

"Hon, why don't you take the headband off?" offered her mother, reaching for his bandanna. "You're not on a mission in here."

"I-I can't," he blurted out, leaning away from her touch.

"Mom, he-he can't," added Sakura, "He, um…he's got head lice!"

Both parents stared at their daughter as his face turned the tiniest shade of red.

"Oh! And um, I put some stuff inside that to, um, kill them…yeah…"

"And you were staying at his _house_?" her father grumbled, "Not healthy, not sanitary at all, bumblebear. You know better than that."

"Sorry, Daddy."

He exhaled again, his spirits lifted a little by the strong tuna-y taste of the food.

"Boy, your nails are longer than my little cupcake's. Do you _paint_ them, too?"

"Dad! I told you to cut that out!"

His face only turned redder as he gulped, unsure of his chance at surviving this evening at all.

"Well," said her mother, changing the subject, "Sweetie, your father and I have decided to pay for your honeymoon."

Both of them choked in surprise, before Sakura blurted out a, "R-really?!"

Her mother nodded happily, "Oh yes. We were thinking that nice hotel in that lovely little traveler's town with all the hot springs. You know, the one with all the flags out front."

"But…Mom, that's the most expensive hotel in the region!"

"And they have a bridal suite that comes with spring-reserve tickets and spa treatments. We want you both in your best condition to be newlyweds, right dear?"

"You just want them poppin' out babies," answered her husband, causing the two's faces to flush red again. "That's all you think about these days, woman."

Sasuke gulped for the millionth time that day, glancing at Sakura with the Uchiha equivalent of extreme terror plastered across his face.

She merely smiled at him and went back to eating.

_I'm not going to make it…I'm going to die…_

* * *

"Angelcakes, be a dear and step out for a moment, would you?"

His heart immediately began thumping in his chest when Sakura raised an eyebrow at her mother. "Why?"

"Oh honey, we just want a little interview with your dearest."

His eyes begged her not to leave him alone with them as his gaze met hers.

"Are you going to hurt him?"

"Nah," answered her father, "At least nothing that'll leave marks."

"Well, I-"

"Ok, dear!" her mother interrupted, almost shoving her daughter out the door and closing it before she could protest.

"You," her father pointed to him, "Sit. Now."

He obeyed, quickly taking a seat across from them, his back straight and his hands folded in his lap.

"I'm going to make one thing clear to you, boy," said her father, "I don't like you. And I possibly never will. So if you act up to my little flower, you'll be at the receiving end of a-"

"What he's trying to say," her mother cut in, "Is that we want only the best for our little baby. She's all grown up now, and all she thinks about is you. Do you think you're worth all that trouble?"

"Well, I-"

"You're not," interrupted her father. "She wastes away her time thinking about you, boy."

"If it's any consolation, I waste my time thinking about her too."

"Oh, isn't that just precious?" sighed Mrs. Haruno, placing one hand over her heart.

"Don't get smart with me, boy. You're not too old for me to box your ears."

His ears immediately flattened against his scalp in dread.

"Now, down to business. Why do you want to marry my little butterfly?"

"Be-…because I love her."

"Aww, how sweet."

"Ugh, again with this lovey-dovey stuff. Shinobi aren't supposed to be _this_ emotional."

_They think I'M emotional?! What is UP with these people?_

"Now, about that hair of yours, boy. How long does it take to fix it like that?"

"I don't fix it like this."

"You answer me as 'Sir,' boy."

"I don't fix it like this, _Sir_. It's natural."

"Looks like a chicken's tailfeathers. Do you shower regularly?"

"At least once a day, Sir."

"Teeth?"

"Brushed after breakfast and dinner, Sir."

"Floss?"

"Twice a day, Sir."

"You had any past relationships other than my little princess, boy?"

He shook his head. "No, Sir."

"No angry ex-girlfriends coming to crash this wedding?"

"No, Sir."

"Ex-_boy_friends, perhaps?"

His eye twitched. "No, Sir. I prefer females."

"Good. You plan on mistreating my daughter?"

"No, Sir, never."

"Would you protect her from any other men out there who'd like her as a wife?"

"Yes, Sir. With my life, Sir."

"You going to just up and leave the village again, boy?"

"No, Sir. The ones I left for are dead."

"You plan on keeping my sugarfairy as a housewife forever?"

"No, Sir. She wouldn't like that, Sir."

"Going to have kids?"

"…We haven't planned-"

"Answer me, boy."

"Yes, Sir."

Mrs. Haruno clapped her hands eagerly, "Oh, isn't that wonderful?"

"One last thing, boy, and you can go free."

He exhaled in relief.

"Tell me now, and don't lie. Do you know of anything, even the tiniest factor, that would ruin my sprinklemuffin's perfect wedding?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat for a moment.

"Well…there are girls who…tend to…_harass_ me, and they…might pose a small problem…"

The two parents leaned back in their seats with pondering expressions.

_What a pair of freaks…I guess I'm not one to talk right now, but…ugh. How on earth did she put up with them all those years? It's a good thing they can't read minds…_

"We'll have to inform the security," muttered Mr. Haruno. "They'll take care of it…"

He flinched when the man glanced back at him.

"You. Out." He pointed to the door. Sasuke was more than willing to oblige.

"Yes, Sir," he said back, trying not to smirk triumphantly at his survival of the in-laws, slipping through the door and closing it shut behind him. "You can come back out, Sakura. I know you were listening."

She emerged from behind a wall, face flushed red. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I was hoping you would."

She smiled, reaching out for his hand. "That's my indestructible Sasuke. I'll give you a tummy rub when we get home 'cuz you were such a good boy."

Because they were probably out of earshot of her insane parents, he allowed himself to purr softly as they walked down the hallway together.

"Did you hear that, dear? 'Tummy rubs?' What kind of sick freak is our babykins _dating_?"

"Oh, be quiet. It's probably the new kissing."

* * *

"_Purr…purr…_"

"You know we're going to have to do more paperwork tomorrow," she murmured into his ear as his head lay in her lap, the two sitting together on his couch once more. "If we're going to put it off like this…"

He merely continued purring as her delightfully soft fingers stroked around his navel in that promised tummy rub, completely oblivious to the fact that she was practically drooling over his abs.

"You're such a lazy bum nowadays…" she whispered, almost to herself. "But I love you anyways."

He smirked, his eyes closed as he twitched when her fingers hit a sensitive point.

She grinned sadistically. "You like it there, Sasuke?" she asked, poking the spot on his waist again and making him bite his tongue. "You like it there?"

"Stop…" he swatted at her with one hand, his eyes clenched shut. "That tickles…"

She almost wished he could see her evil smile as she made a pincer motion with her two fingers before pinching him right at that point on his left side.

"Ow!" he complained, jerking up from her lap to glare at her. "I said cut it out."

"Oh, but Sasuke," she giggled, "Now I know how to make you do the dishes!"

His face drained of all color. Who knew Sakura had an evil cackle?

* * *

Because you know it had to be done :D

Ok. i really hate to do this again, but...I'm getting dragged on vacation next week. updates are iffy. And for the record, i'll always let you people know in advance if i can't update on time. Ok? Don't hate me...


	10. Of Dobes and Wedding Rearsals

**Meow! Chapter Ten**

**Of Dobes and Wedding Rehearsals**

* * *

"Heeeere cooomes the briiiide…aaaall dreeeessed in piiiink…"

Glaring, Sasuke took the closest opportunity to punch his best friend to get him to shut up.

"Ow, teme! What the heck?!" complained the blonde.

"Quiet," Sasuke hissed. "You're not supposed to talk during the rehearsal."

Naruto grumbled, but conceded. This particular summer's day was muggy, without a cloud in the sky to shade them from the sun's powerful rays. Both had been slapping at mosquitoes for the past eight-and-a-half minutes, but little red welts had found their way onto their skin despite.

Sasuke prayed it would be nice and overcast on the actual wedding day…standing here with the dobe in a heavy black tuxedo would be absolute _torture_. Who came up with the idea of the groom and best man standing at the altar together?! And Tsunade, the officiator herself was drunk out of her mind, so today they had Shizune for a temporary replacement.

"Ok people," the Hokage's assistant called after finally finding the right page in her forty-page script. "Let's get this show on the road!"

"Oink!" agreed that stupid pig she carried everywhere. Sasuke assured himself, it would definitely _not_ be sitting on the altar for the actual wedding.

From the small crowd of required people, the bridesmaids and groomsmen found their partners and linked arms before walking as quickly as they could down the aisle between the rows of outdoor benches before retreating to the shade of a large tree. Naruto elbowed Sasuke behind his back, and inclined his head towards that stony Hyuga guy. Sasuke didn't protest, but raised an eyebrow in surprise to see him arm in arm with that weapons fanatic girl…he couldn't for the life of him remember her name. Tintin? Tomtom? Minmin? Penpen? Misamisa?

Once the procession had filed into their coordinated places, that brat that Naruto hung out with and the Hyuga girl's sister trotted down the aisle. The boy held a cheap-looking cushion, the ringbearer probably, and the girl mimed flinging rice and flower petals with a bored, unenthusiastic face. Possibly the gloomiest flower girl he'd ever seen.

A few of the assembled crown began to hum "Here Comes the Bride," and Sakura made her grand entrance.

Well, _grand_ in the sense that she was pretending to be in a flowing dress and high heels while in actuality only clad in a red zippered shirt and her dark blue shorts. But still…Sasuke found her lovely, though he didn't do more than blush out loud.

She soon stood by his side, sneaking sparkly-eyed glances in his direction as Shizune read off the lines of her script with as much enthusiasm as she could muster in this blistering heat. Maybe it would be cloudy when the wedding was taking place…but no, he thought, Sakura would want it to be sunny and happy. As long as it wasn't _this_ hot, he could live with it. What he wouldn't give to erase the sweat coating his tail…now the fur was going to smell funny until he washed it…

"Psst. Pay attention, Sasuke," his for-now-pretend bride whispered. "This is going to be the only rehearsal before the real thing!"

"Hn," he mumbled back, deciding to actually pay attention to the dark-haired woman's stutterings as she squinted at her script. After about twenty minutes of frantic page-flipping, she decided to just skip most of the speech and head straight to the vows at the prompting of the ones stuck standing in the blazing sunlight.

"Hm…ok, uh…oh! Here it is! Do you, insert name here…I mean, do you, Uchiha Sasuke, take this woman, Haruno Sakura, to be your lawfully wedded wife…"

His mind tuned out most of the speech, but he gave a sincere "I do" when the paragraph-long line of his vow was completed. Sakura reciprocated with a sweet smile, her hands squeezing his as she giggled at his vivid blush.

"Ok, um, anybody object to this marriage? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"I object!" Naruto shouted from his stolen spot in the shade.

"Nobody objects? Ok, um…husband and wife, and stuff…you can kiss now."

As Sakura's arms flung around his neck and her lips crashed onto his, Sasuke sincerely prayed that the real wedding wouldn't be _this_ disjointed. And that Tsunade would actually be sober. And that Naruto wouldn't try anything stupid.

There were a few wolf-whistles from the assembled groups when he kissed her back, but an icy glare in their direction quieted them. Some merely stared dumbfounded, having never seen the Uchiha display affection for another human being before.

"Ok, everyone! That's a wrap! See you all at the dinner tonight!"

Leave it up to Sakura's crazy parents to invite _every single guest_ to a pre-wedding banquet in celebration of their only daughter's marriage. He sighed to himself as Sakura grabbed his hand and led him into the blissfully cool shade.

"Wow…" she whispered so only he could hear. "I think it's kind of lucky, actually…"

Her fingers reached up to gently pat the spots on his bandanna where his ears were hiding, also soaked with sweat.

"It's a good thing these showed up before…" she continued, "Or everyone else would know…"

He flinched, realizing her point and trying not to imagine what would happen if _that_ had been their first kiss, and he had sprouted cat ears and a tail in front of everyone…

"Ugh, it's so hot," she muttered, wiping a layer of sweat from her forehead. "Let's go home, Sasuke. I'm dying out here."

He nodded, taking her hand and cutting through the milling crowd, most of whom were jabbering excitedly about who was wearing what to the real wedding.

"It's almost two, I could go for a nice sandwich. You want some salmon bits on yours?"

She giggled when he showed a hint of a smile. "You know me too well."

"Only because we've known each other for, oh, let's see…fifteen, sixteen years? Anyways, remind me later to go buy some more cress. I remember there's only a bit left."

"Ugh, how can you…_eat_ that stuff?"

"Hey, it's cold, wet, and nutritious. Just the thing for a hot day like this."

"It's disgusting. Like eating clover leaves."

"Oh, and you would know? Oh, snap. We're already arguing like married people! Gah!"

Both allowed the confused mob of people left behind them to wonder what on earth they were doing, allowing spazzes like that to tie the knot in their fragile, breakable village. All hoped that this year, perhaps, the Hokage hadn't already spent the construction insurance on booze. They probably had no such luck.

* * *

"…So Mom and Dad are going to give a quick…well, quick for _them,_ speech and we'll have a few toasts, and then we can eat. Ok?"

"…Fine."

She tilted her head. "Come on, Sasuke. What's wrong?"

His nose twitched almost unnoticeably. "You…still smell like cress."

She rolled her eyes, but then remembered his super-senses. If he really hated the stuff as much as he said he did, she was probably torturing him right now.

"Ok, ok, calm down," she murmured, getting up from their chair and stretching her hands up towards the ceiling. "If you want, I can go take a shower and you can prepare yourself for my crazy parents again."

"They _are_ crazy," he mumbled defensively, watching her send him a quick wave before trotting up the stairs. His increased hearing detected footsteps, a pause, and the sound of running water from overhead.

He allowed himself a yawn, as there was no-one else around to see his fangs, and settled down into a more comfortable position. The cushions in the chair still smelled like that nasty cress, but underneath the wet vegetable smell, there was that sweet, sweet scent of cherries and a hint of vanilla.

_Mmm…Sakura…_

In a moment, he realized he was purring just at the _smell_ of his beloved girlfriend. His guilty side complained that expressions of pleasure were one-hundred percent allowed when it came to Sakura, because after all…she was going to be his wife in a little over twenty-four hours.

His secretly panicky side was already terrified about what her parents would do to him. He tried to tell himself they wouldn't dare to try anything illegal in front of a roomful of people, but then again…they _were_ the looniest pair of oddballs he'd ever had the displeasure of meeting.

_No…Sakura wouldn't let them. I'll just sit the two of us as far away as I can from them, and we'll be fine…yeah…that's not a bad idea…_

Satisfied with himself and no longer nervous, he wriggled around in the seat until he could curl up with his tail hanging over the seat, its tip just brushing the floor. But for the sound of water upstairs, the big old house was pleasantly quiet. No insects scratched around on the floor, no birds chirped outside…it was perfectly peaceful.

He yawned again, closing his eyes and relaxing for possibly the first time that whole week. Sakura could wake him up later, after she was squeaky-clean…

The thought of her without the smell of that cress lingering around made him purr softly again before his ears slowly drooped, and he was still.

* * *

"Come on, here's your chance, don't let it slip right through your hands…" she hummed to herself, toweling off the last of the hot water from her pink tresses before reaching for a hairbrush she had brought from home. She giggled to herself, wondering what Sasuke would say if she told him he left his collection of Axe and Old Spice bottles out in the open. He'd probably bristle, literally.

"Get ready! For the ri-ide of your li-i-ife…"

After unsnarling a particularly stubborn knot, she glanced in the bathroom mirror before thumbing a strand of hair out of her eyes and exiting the steam-filled room.

One hallway and flight of stairs later, and she was wondering why it was so quiet before going to look for her boyfriend.

"Sas-?" she began, but stopped herself when she entered the living room.

He was still in their special seat, but curled up in a ball with his fluffy tail hanging limply to the carpeted floor. His hands were under his head for a pillow, his eyes closed and his mouth hanging open, giving her a glimpse of the very tips of his fangs.

Had he not been liable to wake at the tiniest noise, she would've squealed at the sheer cuteness of his appearance. Every so often his cat ears even flicked, silently assuring the world that he was still alert and ready.

Tiptoeing as softly as the floorboards would allow, she made her way over and knelt down beside him. He didn't stir at all.

_Hm…_ she thought while reaching out to gently scratch behind his ears. _He looks so innocent, just lying there like that…I guess in some ways, he's just a harmless little kitty-boy who wants a bit of normalcy in his life…_

She smiled as he began to purr in his sleep, his ears unconsciously perking up in anticipation of more scratches. She was surprised he didn't wake when his tail began to sway gently back and forth, its tip brushing along the floor.

_I'm glad, Sasuke…that we have chances like this to be together. Even if you'll have to go off on a mission the minute the reception's finished…I know you'll be more than eager to come back home to be with me._

His head tilted upwards an inch or so, which she took as an opportunity to tickle him under the chin, provoking more purrs.

_This is seriously unfair. When he changes back, he'd better be ready to give ME some lovin' after all this petting I'm giving him._

She sighed, remembering some last-minute paperwork that had been left in the kitchen. Getting up, she bent down for a quick kiss on his cheek, murmuring, "Bye-bye, Sasuke," before quietly leaving him happily purring away.

As she left the room, he opened one eye no more than a crack, and smirked.

* * *

Ok, to clarify. Cress tastes like anus.

And I'm back from a godawful vacation. At least i got me a Deidei plush :3

Up next: More putting up with the in-laws!


	11. Culinary Torture

**Meow! Chapter Eleven**

**Culinary Torture**

* * *

_I._

"So, darling, how are you enjoying the preparations so far?"

_Hate._

"I mean, I remember _my_ wedding, how we were up days and nights planning for this and that…"

_My._

"Aren't you nervous? I bet you are."

_LIFE._

"Um, Mom," Sakura cut in, noticing her fiancé's patience short-fusing, "why don't you go say hi to some of _your_ friends? They're all over there waiting for you."

"Oh, dear, honey-poo, you're right!" The older pink-haired woman scooted back her chair. "I'll only be gone a few minutes, don't miss me!"

"Whew," Sakura exhaled, reaching for Sasuke's hand now that both her parents were all off greeting guests. "Sorry, baby…I know you didn't want to sit by them."

"I'll live," he grumbled, not sure he could take much more of his mother-in-law's incessant probing questions about _everything_. The woman could yammer away like…like _Naruto._ Who, of course, was currently stuffing his face though the dinner hadn't even started yet…

"She'll run out of questions eventually," she assured him. "We haven't burned any buildings or thrown knives at each other in the time we've been together. She'll realize we're unimaginably boring, and she'll leave you alone. Ok?"

He nodded, never before wishing to be boring as much as right now.

"If she asks about your…erm…_missions_, just tell her enough to avoid telling a lie. Moms can smell lies."

He nodded, deciding how much to leave out of his "adventures away from home," as Sakura put it, to satisfy the woman's thirst for information. She'd probably ask all about the Sound village…leave out those skin-crawling experiments on corpses…all about finding his way home in the middle of a small-scale ninja war…leave out all the people he had nearly killed, thinking they were all attacking _him_…Yeah…that should do it. Enough action for a compelling bedtime story, enough details left out so she wouldn't think he was a raving psychopath.

_Sasuke my friend, you are one smart devil._

"You know, Sasuke…?" his girlfriend whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. "When…back when we were kids, and I was a stupid fangirl…I kind of dreamed about this…but I never really thought it'd happen…Us getting married, I mean…"

He blinked, wondering why she was choosing to have a heartfelt conversation in a roomful of babbling people, but…honestly, he could deal with it much better than dealing with her crazy mom.

"It's kind of stupid," she said with an almost-wistful smile. "I was almost sure you'd fall in love with someone prettier and stronger and smarter than me…for a while, I even thought it'd be Ino…"

She giggled at his wince when he imagined a horde of _blonde_ Uchiha babies screaming "DADDY!" every ten seconds while that irritating female shrieked his name every _five_ seconds…

"She never knew me the way you did," he answered, still trying to dispel the previous moment's mental image.

"But what if she had been put in your team instead of me?"

_Two…hyper…blondes…AT ONCE?_

"I think I would've killed myself by now," he mumbled, making her giggle.

"What about Hinata? 'That Hyuga girl,' as you so lovingly call her."

"She likes the dobe."

"If even _you_ can tell that, I'm a bit worried about Naruto…What about Tenten?"

"Likes Hyuga."

"Temari? From Suna?"

"Violent, temperamental, blonde."

"Now you're going to tell me you're prejudiced against blondes?"

"Ino. Naruto. Tsunade. That spaz with the explosives."

"Ok, ok…so the few that we know are complete nut jobs. I'm sure there are tons out there who are wonderful people."

"Hn."

"Hi, kiddies! I'm back! Now Sasuke dear, you must tell me about all the places you went after you hightailed it out of here!" Sakura's mother exclaimed in an overly-cheerful squeal, resuming her dreaded perch next to her emotionally abused son-in-law.

_Bolt of lightning to the cerebellum, please._

* * *

After what seemed like hours, the noisy chatter died down slowly as everyone took their respective seats. Naruto stopped sneaking food long enough to actually pay attention when everyone went silent for a moment, the sound of silverware hitting a drinking glass calling for everyone's attention.

"Thank you all for coming here tonight," Sakura's father's voice reverberated around the spacious room as he put the glass and knife down. "Before we begin, I think a few toasts are in order…"

Some lazy ears around the room pricked up, a few whispers shooting back and forth before silence overtook the air again.

"First of all…To the…_happy_ couple whose marriage we are celebrating tomorrow morning…"

Sasuke cringed mentally at the man's hesitation. At the word "happy" he had paused long enough to shoot the Uchiha a narrow-eyed glare of _I hate you so much right now_.

"…To my little pudding angel, I suppose we'd have to let you grow up sometime, but it all seems to have gone by so fast…We'll always think of you as our little princess…"

Sakura's hand found her boyfriend's under the table and squeezed it as her face went pink under the stares of everyone close enough to see her.

"…And to her good-for-nothing boyfriend…"

More than just a few chuckles echoed around the room as Sasuke's face joined Sakura's in turning bright red. His tail was also beginning to stick to his leg from all the nervous sweat pouring down his back, and even shifting slightly in his seat couldn't assuage the wet-fur feeling.

"Who, I suppose, is good enough for her after all if she's stayed with him this long…You two have our blessings."

A murmur of agreement spread throughout the assembled crowd, and the two betrotheds exhaled a breath held in for the past two minutes.

"Sorry," Sakura whispered without moving her lips at all, knowing Sasuke could catch it easily. "I told them not to."

"S'ok," he responded. "At least he's not outright denouncing _us_ and disowning _you_ for doing this."

He was surprised to see her shudder, her right eyelid twitching for a moment before she calmed herself down again.

"I'm sorry he doesn't like you, Sasuke. He tends to want to publicly humiliate people he dislikes…I'm actually kind of proud of him for not murdering you on the spot."

"Believe me, Sakura. I'm glad for his restraint as well."

She managed a smile as the food was brought out and placed at specified locations on the long tables between rows of guests.

"Whoever invented the 'night before' party was insane," Sakura murmured. "I have so much work to do back home, and here we are with everyone else who just wants this overwith as soon as possible."

"I think most of them just came for the booze," Sasuke replied, smiling on the inside at her referral to his house as "back home." Even though, not counting the past few weeks, she'd only stayed with him several times over the two years they had been together…she thought of it as _their_ home now. And before tomorrow was over, it would be just that.

"They'll be disappointed," she said with a quiet smirk, bringing his mind back to earth as a juicy-looking, mouth-watering steak was placed at their table only a few seats away. "Mom couldn't stand the idea of someone being hung over on her baby's wedding day…"

"What'd she do…?" he asked, every feline neuron in his mind focused entirely on the tender meat steaming in its spotless serving platter.

"What is _this_?!" someone's voice could be heard exclaiming several tables away in disgust. All who recognized their Hokage's disapproving complaining snickered to themselves behind their hands.

"Root beer," Sasuke breathed, recognizing the smell radiating from the bottles that were appearing along with the food. "Good job."

Sakura giggled. "I don't think Shishou will like it…she was expecting to have her precious sake here as well as the reception."

"I'm sure we're all as devastated as she is," he answered, only smirking when the order to eat was given.

"As devastated as devastated can be, kitty-pie."

* * *

"Teme, Sakura! Hey!"

"Go away, dobe."

Naruto grinned, having no intention of doing so after scooting his chair halfway across the whole room to talk to his teammates. "Man, Sakura's dad must really hate you," he said to his annoyed best friend.

"You honestly don't know the half of it, Naruto," murmured Sakura, sighing. "He kind of wished I would fall in love with someone who wasn't a shinobi…You know, because they might go off on a mission and get themselves killed."

"Pssh, he's got nothin' to worry about. Teme's too stubborn to die."

"Hn."

"Heck, even if he did, they'd send him right back with a 'Here, you can keep him' note, eh, teme?"

"Go away, dobe."

As the two settled into one of their routine arguments, Sakura took the chance to look around and see who was doing what. Luckily her parents were at another table, chatting with a few of the older guests. Choji was stealing food from Shikamaru's plate…Shino was being pestered by Sai asking how Kakashi ate with his mask on (Osmosis, it _had_ to be)…Tsunade was still upset over the replacing of sake with root beer…and of course, "That Hyuga Girl" was sneaking glances at the back of her crush-since-forever's blonde head.

She sighed to herself, watching the blushing girl check around her in case anyone was looking before resuming her unwavering watchfulness. Naruto really could be as thick as a concrete block sometimes, otherwise he'd have realized he had this girl in love with him who was simply too shy to get his attention…

_Then again, she'd probably have to drop a chair on his head before he'd pay attention long enough to realize why she faints every time he's near her…_

"…And I really can't believe you waited this long, teme. I mean, she's liked you since forever. It's not _that_ hard to show someone a little love once in a while."

"If relationships are so easy, how come you haven't got one going, dobe?"

"Um…uh, well…shut up! I don't know any girls except Sakura, and she's yours!"

"Yamanaka?"

"Teme, if she bugged me the way she bugged you, I'd have gone to go live in the Sand village with Gaara years ago. I'd rather put up with him and his nutjob brother and sister than deal with her."

"The _Hyuga_ girl?"

Sakura blinked in surprise, recognizing the un-subtle hint. He had also noticed the looks in Naruto's direction.

The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"Hinata? What about her? She's…well, I guess she's my friend, I mean we don't hang out a lot, but I don't really know her…"

He pouted when his two best friends facepalmed in unison.

"Hey! Don't get all superior just 'cuz you're getting married! I can so find myself a girl! I'm not like Kakashi, I'm not gonna be all alone forever, reading adult books!"

"Dobe, you know he can totally hear you, right?"

"Nah, he's over there with the other Jounin. See? He's talking to Yamato."

Sasuke smirked and Sakura giggled when Naruto's face went white as their old teacher sent a deceivingly cheerful wave in their direction. It seemed he had heard some, if not all, of what had been said.

"You're so screwed, Naruto."

"Nice going, dobe. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll be able to wheel to you the wedding in your body cast."

Naruto gulped. "He…he wouldn't…"

"Dobe, if he'd bury me up to my neck and shove two fingers up your anus when we were twelve, he wouldn't hesitate to murder you."

"Or take away your ramen for years," agreed a grinning Sakura.

"Or keep you doing nothing but gutter-cleaning D-missions."

"Or-"

"Ok, ok!" interrupted a horrified Naruto. "I'm sorry already!" He lowered his voice. "What do you want if you don't tell him? I'll take care of your stupid cat."

Both blinked in bewilderment until they remembered their cover-up story.

"Oh, him?" Sakura blurted out quickly, "You don't need to, I think he's getting ready to leave, don't you think so, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

"Hey, guys! Look! Here comes dessert!"

And of course, the moment Naruto disappeared to return to his original seat, Sakura's mother resumed her spot next to Sasuke.

"Sweetie," she said to him, "I'm awfully sorry for my husband's behavior, I truly am. To make it up to you, I had a little something special made, just for my princess's little darling."

Had his fuzzy ears not been tightly restrained by his bandanna, they would've pricked up before drooping again as he caught sight of the "something special."

"My honey's always going on about how much her man loves tomatoes, so we replaced the apples in this little delicacy with your favorites, dear! Enjoy!"

Had he not been an Uchiha and a Leaf Jounin, he would've whimpered as pathetically as a Kakashi without X-rated novels.

What a scary thought that was.

* * *

Wow, this one came out in...spurts. Like ketchup from a nearly-empty bottle. Without the sound effects. LOL.


	12. Goin' to the Chapel, Shrine, Whatever

**Meow! Chapter Twelve**

**Goin' to the Chapel...Shrine. Whatever.**

* * *

"Sakura, calm down. You're positively _shivering_."

She sent an anxiety-laden glare in Tenten's direction. "I can't help it, ok? I'm nervous!"

The older girl closed her brown eyes for a moment. "Of course you are, but we need you to be calm right now, ok? You can be as nervous as you want afterwards."

Sakura gulped before nodding quickly as she clenched her eyes shut. "I'm scared," she squeaked out.

"You're getting _married_, girl. It's _ok_ to be scared."

She nodded her head, unable to stop her hands fidgeting uncontrollably.

"Sakura, there's nothing, and I mean _nothing_ to be afraid of," Tenten said in a feeble attempt to soothe the shivering future bride. "Your honey's standing out there, waiting for you to show up, and you look beautiful."

"Tenten's right…" Hinata piped up beside her. "It…it is a very lovely dress."

Sakura exhaled shakily, turning to look in the triple-mirrors before her for the millionth, no, _billionth_ time in the past hour or so.

The white silk of the gown glimmered softly in the glowing light from the overhead lamps, the snow-colored embroidery sparkling whenever she moved. Even as far away from the glass as she was, she could still see the sweat coating her bare shoulders. The strapless design had been her idea, after rejecting the millions of looks she deemed too low-cut they had finally found one that fit her standards of modesty. The long, white gloves had been Hinata's suggestion…

She exhaled again, closing her eyes and wishing for a split second to go back in time, when all this seemed so far away and she was with her friends, laughing and comparing sketches for something that was too far-off in the future to really _think_ about…

"You're going to have to stop biting your bottom lip like that if you want this to stay on, Sakura," Hinata said softly, several bottles of makeup in her hands and ready for application.

"I can't help it!" she admitted, wondering if she might wear right through the fingers of the gloves with all her fidgeting. "I really, really can't…"

She stopped her nervous murmurings for a moment, closing her eyes as the feeling of fluffy, soft powdering brushed over her flushed-red skin.

"You can look."

She was impressed, thinking to herself as she forgot her jitteriness for a moment and looked in the mirrors again. The blushing redness in her face was dulled a little, a hint of glitter added to make her cheeks shimmer like her dress. The shade of lipstick was perfect, a soft pink to blend smoothly with the stand-out color of her hair.

"Thanks, Hinata…" she whispered gratefully, closing her eyes again. "You too, Tenten…for doing all of this for me."

The brunette grinned as Hinata smiled sympathetically.

"What are friends for?"

"Don't sweat it, he'd love you even if you showed up in a potato sack," Tenten giggled, before reaching for one of the boxes sitting stacked on top of an overcrowded chest of drawers.

From inside, she retrieved a sparkling silver tiara, with a gauzy white veil flowing even as it hung, draping downwards in a curtain of snow-white.

"A princess's gotta have her crown, eh?"

Sakura managed a little smile in return.

* * *

"Uchiha Sasuke…I suppose it was inevitable, but today…I concede defeat."

_Dobe, where are you?!_

"It is you after all who has won the lovely Sakura's heart…and it would be against the code of shinobi honor to interfere any further…"

Sasuke silently gritted his teeth, wondering where in the known world Naruto was, while he was being made to wait here and listen to Fuzzy-brows' "bequeathal" of Sakura _soon-to-be-Uchiha_ Haruno onto his "rival in love."

"May the blessings of youth shower you both!" continued the green-clad ninja, overzealous tears already pouring from his eyes. "She is yours now, Uchiha, and may the flame of youth burn in all its passionate glory for-"

"Teme!"

Sasuke exhaled in relief as Naruto came skidding through the doorway of the fitting room. Another sigh of relief was in order after seeing the blonde actually wearing something other than that traffic-cone orange. Somebody (Sakura) must've talked him into giving it up in favor of a dark-blue tuxedo (or else he'd end up with his face through a wall. God, he loved that woman.)

"Teme, we're…" wheezed Naruto, obviously out of breath, "We're…ready…to open…the thing…"

"It's starting?"

"Uh…huh…"

Grabbing the dobe by the back of his shirt and hauling him out of the room as fast as possible proved to be an effective way to escape Lee's wailings of defeat. Naruto's angry protests went on until he was let go, one flight of stairs and a bruised cranium later.

Luckily, all the wedding equipment and decorations were being stored in a rented building right next door to the actual shrine itself, so slipping out the back door and joining the crowd of people flowing in through the shrine entrance was easy enough.

Naruto noticed his best friend's shudder when Sakura's crazy mom waved cheerfully after blowing an elaborate kiss in their direction.

"At least her dad's not here," he murmured to comfort his flinching friend.

"That's because the bride walks down the aisle holding her father's hand," muttered Sasuke, grateful to see a surprisingly-sober Tsunade standing at the altar and looking bored, her stupid pet hog nowhere in sight.

"Heh…never really thought of Sakura as a 'bride' before, eh teme?"

_Hit the nail on the head with that one, dobe._

"It's like…only last week we were just a bunch of stupid kids wanting to be full-fledged ninja…"

"Yeah…"

"And only yesterday you were off being a screwed-up teme, making us all worry our butts off if you'd ever come home…"

"And half and hour ago _you_ were actually behaving yourself," muttered Sasuke. "Dobe."

"Teme!"

"Hn. I don't have time to deal with you."

"Got that right! Now get up there, right where Sakura's mommy can see you."

"…Screw you, dobe."

* * *

_I can do this. I can do this. I am Sakura Haruno, and I ain't scared of NOTHING! I am woman, hear me roar!_

Another shuddery exhale, and the enthusiastic trumpetings of her Inner were forgotten in mere seconds. The lake of ice-cold sweat slowly making its way down the back of her neck wasn't helping much either. If her white-knuckled fingers hadn't been wrapped so tightly around the small bouquet of white and red flowers in her grasp, they'd certainly be shaking enough to register as a small-scale earthquake.

_I can do this…I've been on suicidal missions…I've kept critically injured people alive…I've fought down Naruto and…well, almost Sasuke once…It's just getting married, for Pete's sake!_

"Sakura," Hinata's soft voice said beside her, causing her to flinch in her jumpiness. "Try…try thinking of…something calming…think of you and Sasuke, maybe…"

She nodded to the indigo-haired girl, forcing herself to inhale deeply. All around her were the bridal procession members, every bridesmaid and groomsmen raring to go. Naruto was probably up at the altar cracking jokes…at least until Sasuke shut him up one way or another…

Her gaze fell upon the bored flower girl and uncomfortable-looking ringbearer. Both were only in their mid-teens, but Hinata's little sister had perfected that Hyuga trademark Superior-To-Thou indifference. Konohamaru sat, fidgeting like a little kid that couldn't keep still and checking every minute or so to see that the rings were still nestled safely in the box he had been entrusted with the keeping of.

_And that little runt's BETTER not lose it if he knows what's good for him…_

Her thoughts wandered again to the two waiting ever-so-patiently for her grand entrance. If Naruto had been silenced by now, Sasuke was probably standing there, twiddling his thumbs. Metaphorically, of course. Uchihas never, ever squirmed or fiddled with something when they were nervous. Luckily he tended to suck in his gut and deal with it, instead of whining like a Naruto.

She imagined the way his coal-black eyes would practically light up as she would come towards him, something they only did when she was around…though he'd try his best not to, he'd probably blush bright pink as she would stand by his side…they'd take each other's hands as the speeches were made, vows were spoken…and then…

Her seafoam-green eyes closed by themselves.

The kiss would be exhilarating…full of love and commitment and everything else that is good in this world…everyone would stand up and clap, and he would hold her so tight, maybe even wedging a rare "I love you" in between the cheers…

_And…then he'd be back to normal…back to good old Sasuke…_

The cat ears and tail would have vanished…he'd never beg for scratches or tummy rubs again…he'd never get excited when she brought home meat…he'd be eating tomatoes once more…and she could finally tell her parents he was over his bout of head lice…

_But he'd still be my Sasuke._

What would it be like, being an actual husband and wife?

_Uh-oh…_

That train of thought was a bad idea, reviving the nail-biting thoughts of every little thing that could go wrong. Tsunade could read the wrong lines and "divorce" them by accident, Konohamaru could lose the rings, somebody would object to the marriage when the question was asked…It was enough to drive even a patient little missy like herself over the edge.

"I can do this…" she whispered weakly to herself, reinforcing her grip on her squashed flowers. "I can do this…I can do anything."

_What if Naruto's not there? What if Dad makes fun of Sasuke in front of everyone? What if it suddenly begins raining? What if-?_

"Shut _up_," she murmured to her Inner, causing those around her to shake their heads in sympathy. The poor girl's nerves were frayed beyond all repair, they were thinking. She might crack at any given moment and start leveling buildings.

_What if…What if Sasuke's not there?_

Her desperate attempts to drive out that thought were fruitless. Every tragic wedding scene she'd ever seen in a movie or a play replayed itself in fast-forward in her mind. The expression on every bride's face had been identical: shock, disbelief, betrayal…and heartbreakingly sad when their supposed lover left them standing at the altar in their carefully detailed wedding finery.

_NO! No, no, no, no, NO! He's standing out there, waiting to get married! He'd never leave me all by myself! He loves me! He wouldn't even DREAM of leaving me standing there all by myself…NEVER!_

But of course, her next thought replaced the sobbing ex-bride's face from some movie with her own and the cheating, no-show boyfriend's face with his…

"H-…Hinata?" she said quietly, blinking back the unexpected tears as the long-haired girl hurried over, sensing Sakura's desperation.

"What is it?" she asked politely, her snowy eyes wide at the sight of her friend's teary eyes. "Is something the matter?"

"Hinata, can…could you…go and sneak out there and look…just…please, tell me Sasuke's there. I need to know. Please…"

The girl nodded, at once weaving through the small crowd of waiting people and disappearing out of the back exit. Unable to concentrate, Sakura tried to slow her breathing as the murmur of conversation echoed from around the room.

Her Inner could barely contain herself when Hinata reappeared, avoiding elbows and bumping people with expert precision until she reached her friend.

"Sakura, there's nothing to be afraid of," she murmured to the stressed-out bride. "He's waiting at the altar with…Naruto. He's getting quite impatient."

A deep exhale did not go by without the notice of Hinata's hesitation at saying her crush's name.

"Thanks, Hinata…I'm freaking out here, and I keep imagining something's going to go wrong or whatever…"

The Hyuga nodded. "Oh, but Shizune told me…the procession will start soon. Would you like me to put your veil on for you?"

She stood up, feeling her knees crack as she nodded, "Thanks…"

Those who had overheard Hinata's words were whispering excitedly, and in minutes the word had spread throughout the room and the excitement levels exploded.

"Here you are, Sakura…" said Hinata's voice from behind her as a pair of little hands placed the surprisingly light tiara over the crown of her head. The girl stood on her tiptoes for another second or so as she adjusted it, but soon stood back down and smiled admiringly.

"You…you do make a beautiful bride."

Sakura smiled, and this time it wasn't forced.

"Hinata!" Tenten called from somewhere across the room, "the veil has to go in front!"

Another minute and Sakura could only stand there, blinking as the white cloth was ceremoniously draped over her face. It was rather thick, but didn't completely obscure her vision.

"I can't see her at all…" she heard Hinata's voice murmur uneasily. "Can she see where she's going?"

"I'm not blind, and I'm not deaf," their jittery bride muttered. "I can see fine."

"Ok, people!" someone's voice called from the doorway. "We're starting! Bridesmaids and groomsmen, please find your partners and exit in an orderly fashion!"

_Orderly fashion: compound noun. To run, shouting at the top of one's lungs while attempting to find one's partner amidst throngs of guests preparing for a wedding. Also known as 'complete chaos.'_

"I'll be there in a minute!" she told Tenten and Hinata, who still wondered how well she could see. "Just go on, I'm supposed to be last anyways. I gotta find my dad."

The other two shrugged, and went to join the babbling crowd as it trickled out the doorway until the room was empty.

She sighed. _Finally…_

Something cold and metallic pressed itself against the back of her throat as a low voice spoke from behind her, mere inches from her ear.

"Don't move."

* * *

:D Because we all saw this one coming. No more _Princess Bride_ for me U.U

* * *


	13. Here Comes the Bride

**Meow! Chapter Thirteen**

**Here Comes the Bride**

* * *

"You…"

_Crack._

"RETAAAARD!"

_Slam._ The all-too-familiar noise of a fragile human being crushed against a wall.

"What is _wrong_ with you?!" she shouted, glaring furiously at the crumpled body sprawled in a heap in front of her. "I almost peed myself because of that! What _gives_?!"

"…Weenie-less told me it was customary to frighten the bride before she meets her husband."

"'CUSTOMARY?!' she screeched, almost ready to kick in the head of the still-smiling artist-nin, even as he tried forcing himself to his feet. "And you _believed him?!_"

Sai stood up, his hand clutching at his side. She might have broken one of his ribs with that smack. The wall behind him was in no better shape, any more force on her part and she would've sent him crashing right through it. Those cracks and body-shaped imprint were going to raise some questions later.

"You _idiot_!" she continued ranting, barely restraining herself from punching him into the dirt until nothing was left of him but a bloody puddle of liquefied bones. "You absolute _moron_! And why the heck are you still wearing that ugly girl's shirt?! This is a _wedding_!"

"It pleases Ino-san," he said calmly, his plastic smile reinstated after a momentary wince of pain.

An exasperated sigh escaped her as she stood, shaking her head slowly. Of course Ino would be involved when it came to that.

"Sai, I'm going to count to five," she murmured, suddenly quiet and dangerous. "When I reach five, you are going to be standing with everyone else in the shrine where I cannot _possibly_ see you. _Get it_?"

"Is this an order? Because normally the bride takes orders from the-"

"_ONE._"

"I will leave, I will leave…"

"Two!" she shouted, just for the effect of making him scoot out the room's door faster. "Three!"

The door clicked shut.

"Four, five," she said triumphantly to herself, satisfied for now. Of course, he would pay dearly some other time. Right now, she kind of had a wedding to attend.

"Puddin' cup?" shouted a voice as a fist banged on the room's closed door. "Are you still in there? That irresponsible boyfriend of yours is going to think you decided on someone better after all."

"Coming, Daddy!" she shouted back, trying not to trip over the hem of the white gown before she got to the door.

_Here I come, Sasuke…_

* * *

"Hee-hee…"

Naruto decided his best friend must've been _really_ out of it not to glare at him for that escaping giggle. It wasn't his fault, the dark-haired Jounin had barely kept from doing more than letting out a quick intake of breath when the organ behind him burst into earsplitting life. Naruto snuck a glance at Shino, sitting placidly at the Western-style piano they had imported just for the occasion. Sometimes it was good to have a filthy rich best friend whose cash-monies one could illegally mooch off of…

Surprisingly, the bug-loving nin's piano skills weren't too shabby. The wedding march tune actually came out without any mistakes at all.

_Probably hiding his bugs in the keys…_ thought the blonde.

The same as in the rehearsal, the bridesmaids and their partners marched down the aisle, the heads of those in the rest of the audience of guests turning to watch. Their steps were noticeably slower, as wishes had been granted and the sun was veiled in wispy clouds high up overhead, the temperature mildly warm, but pleasant nonetheless.

Naruto blinked, noticing Hinata was the only bridesmaid without a partner, just squeezed in between two other couples all by herself. He frowned, thinking it would be a discrepancy (yes, he could use big fancy words too) he would have to correct sometime before the end of this whole shebang.

He shot a toothy grin at Konohamaru as he and Hinata's sister made their procession. Hanabi looked bored as usual, but the tinge of pink on her cheeks indicated she was enjoying herself as she aimlessly flung cherry blossom petals to both sides. Konohamaru's gaze never wavered from the sparkling bits of jewelry on his little velvet cushion, as if afraid they'd roll off and disappear without his realizing.

The rings themselves were far less flashy than their engagement counterpart, but impossible to outclass in value. The two bands were simple, solid gold, each with a small symbol delicately carved into the surface. Half of a flowing, intricate emblem decorated each, so that only when the two were viewed side by side could the scripted character for "love" be seen.

The music held a single note for an unusually long time. All heads in the gathering turned towards the very back of the aisle, some gasping softly in unison.

Mr. Haruno looked especially proud of his little girl as she clutched his arm with one hand, but one could still see the flicker of defeat at having to give up his only child to some delinquent he deemed unworthy.

Truth be told, hardly any man but Sasuke, some thought, could be considered "worthy" for _this_.

The sunlight, muted as it was by the clouds overhead, still managed to seemingly shine down especially on her, the soft silver threads of her skirts catching the light and twinkling like new-fallen snow. One of her arms gripped her father's, the other held her small bouquet of white roses with equal determination not to let go of each.

Her steps were slow and measured, if only to make this perfect moment last as long as possible. She smiled back at her mother in the audience, finally having positioned the veil so that her face could be seen without too much trouble. She snuck an elated, teary-eyed glance at Kakashi and Naruto, before her eyes fell upon Sasuke.

It was the first time she'd ever seen him forget to breathe.

In almost a second or two, her father was seated beside his wife and having flashbacks to their own wedding while _she_ stood next to her pink-faced fiancé.

The organ notes concluded with a soft, almost timid refrain when Tsunade shot a warning glance in the Aburame's direction. After about a minute of throat-clearing, the gathered crowd remained still and silent.

"What is marriage?" asked the Hokage in a rhetorical tone to the answering silence. "What does it mean to us? Why have we even _invented_ the concept?"

All but the two centers of the ceremony listened with confused interest.

"It's because we're different," she continued, "Different from just another species of mating animals. We have feelings. We express emotions. Even if we're trained not to show it at all, we can't help feeling things."

A cough from the back went unnoticed. Another reason to kill Sai before this was all over.

"We see injustice, and it makes us angry, it makes us want to fight. We see our friends and family killed. We hide our tears, but we cry on the inside no matter who we are. We find someone who treasures us…someone who would give up the world just to be with us. We can't help but do the exact opposite of what we are trained to do. We fall in love."

Naruto noticed the slight moistening of the old woman's eyes. He guessed she was remembering back to when she, too, had felt that way about someone special. He hung his head in reverence, remembering all that Shizune had told him about what their Hokage had gone through, losing the two most precious people in the world…

"Every rule, every law shinobi have been taught explicitly states that emotions should be hidden. In some cases, these rules have saved lives. But at times like these…when it's clear the gods have given us these feelings for a _reason_…They can't just be pushed away and ignored. Our very own sample of living proof is standing right here."

Nobody chuckled, but instead sent smiling glances as the pink on the Uchiha's face darkened a shade or two.

"I'm not going to bore you all to death with a long, drawn-out speech," assured Tsunade, shuffling the papers of the lines she was to read. "So, may those watching over us bless this day, and these two who have braved all odds to be together."

Sakura forced herself to keep from crying as the rings were brought forward. Even her usually noisy Inner was silent, having realized the gravity of the moment. She was _only_ getting _married_ to the one she'd loved for over a decade.

Her half-swallowed gulp caught itself in her throat when his hands grasped hers more tightly than she had expected. He seemed to calm himself after a second or so, his grip loosening. From experience, she knew his heart was probably beating just as fast as hers.

"Sasuke Uchiha," read Tsunade from the little book clutched in her hands. Sakura noticed his nervous flinch at hearing his name. "Do you take this woman…Haruno Sakura…to be your lawfully wedded wife…your constant friend, your faithful partner and your only love from this day forward…"

The excitement was almost unbearable. Her hands had already turned her gloves damp with how much she was sweating.

"In the presence of your loved ones, do you offer her your solemn vow to be her faithful partner…in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow…do you promise to love her unconditionally, to support her in her goals, to honor and respect her, to laugh with her and cry with her, and to cherish her for as long as you both may live?"

She saw him gulp to clear his throat, before his dark eyes met her green as he spoke, slowly and clearly.

"I do," he said, with only the tiniest hint of a waver in his voice. Even he, the great Uchiha, could hardly keep it together at his own wedding. She only just felt the warm metal of her ring sliding onto her finger.

"And do you…Sakura Haruno…take this man, Sasuke Uchiha, to be your lawfully wedded husband…" Tsunade continued, turning to face her old pupil.

Sakura's vision began to blur from unshed tears as her vow was read out with equal ceremony.

"His constant friend, faithful partner and his one true love from this day forward…"

He gave her a crooked, nerve-wracked smile, to which she responded with an equally anxious expression, inhaling quickly as a single tear rolled slowly down her cheek.

"In the presence of your family and friends, do you offer him your solemn vow to be his faithful partner in sickness and in health…in good times and in bad…"

This was it. The final questions. All she had to do was consent.

"…In joy as well as in sorrow….do you promise to love him unconditionally, to support him in his goals…"

She forced herself a deep inhale, otherwise she might've started hyperventilating. His grip on her hand had tightened again, and she squeezed his hands back just as hard.

"…To honor and respect him…"

_Here it comes…I can do this…Oh my god…_

"…To laugh with him and cry with him…"

_I love you, Sasuke…I love you…_

"…And to cherish him for as long as you both shall live?"

Everyone in the audience leaned forward in anticipation. It was common knowledge that the Uchiha wanted to "restore his clan," as he put it, but it really all came down to the girl's decision. Everything hinged on what answer she gave, and even those who knew how much had gone into the wedding itself were anxious for her answer.

Between the thumb and forefinger of her free hand, she held his ring as if afraid to let it go. The shiny metal was warm in her grasp, even slightly misted over from all the sweat pouring from her fingertips.

The tension grew as the seconds ticked by. She breathed in, long and slow as her glistening eyes closed. All eyes were fixed on her tiny mouth as it opened deliberately slowly.

"I would…" she said quietly.

Every member of the congregation, even the Hokage herself, gasped when she produced a kunai knife out of nowhere and brought it against the throat of the man before her with almost lightning-speed.

"…If this were the real Sasuke," she hissed, her eyes riveted to the _human_ ears clearly visible behind his black bangs.

"Kindly tell me where my husband is, Akatsuki scum."

* * *

HA. More stuffs to mess with your minds. (sings to Metallica's "Am I Evil")


	14. Houdini In The Making

**Meow! Chapter Fourteen**

**Houdini In The Making**

* * *

Of all the times Sasuke Uchiha had ever hated himself, this would probably be the first and foremost on his list.

He winced quietly when another deep inhale jarred his aching shoulders. These criminal-nins, however many mistakes they seemed to make, had been intelligent enough to make sure there was no way their captive would escape.

All he had been doing was standing at the altar with Naruto, waiting nervously for his future wife to appear. The next thing he knew, he couldn't move a muscle. It was probably a genjutsu, he thought, that they used to keep anyone from catching on. Before they had snatched him right out of the shrine, he saw a replica of himself take his place in mere nanoseconds. Then everything had gone dark from the blindfold, and he had woken up who knows how much later with a throbbing headache and what seemed to be dislocated arms.

The blindfold had stayed on, but from the sounds and feel of the floor and single wall behind him, it seemed to be stone surrounding him. When he had first moved, sending jolts of pain shooting through his body, he had heard and felt the crinkle of paper. They had even gone the extra mile, apart from bandaging his hands so he couldn't use jutsu and tying his feet together, they had even pasted chakra-prevention seals all over him just in case. And that gag in his mouth was tasting staler by the minute.

His thoughts wandered for a moment to Sakura…what would she be doing? There was no glimmer of light shining through the blindfold, as he was probably being kept in a darkened room. That said, he had no idea how much time had passed since his abduction. What if the wedding was already over? What if she had married the S-ranked missing-nin disguised as him? What if she had…already been killed?

Had the motion not been likely to bring on another wave of aching torture, he would've shaken his head. Sakura wouldn't let herself be murdered so easily. She was smart, she might have even figured out it was a fake by now.

But then again…she completely let her guard down when she was with him. If the illusion was masked enough, she might not even detect it. Nor would anybody else in the shrine, after all she had the best skills at genjutsu.

He forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat, wishing against his common sense that they'd allow him the luxury of scratching his irritated ears, still pinned in place under his bandanna. He hoped against all hope that the disguise hadn't included ears and a tail like his, because then Sakura could've caught it in a minute. But then again, these guys hadn't gotten into the bingo book by littering and robbing helpless old ladies.

What about Naruto? What if the dobe had noticed something? Would he go against his judgment and interrupt the wedding of his supposed best friends, or ignore it and let the ceremony go on? It could go either way; almost nobody was as unpredictable as the dobe.

And what were these goons planning on doing with him, anyways? Or doing to him? They had all the information about the Sharingan they wanted from Itachi…

_Who will soon die a horrible and painful death…_

Though Sakura had said no, it probably had something to do with the curse…What could they possibly want with that? The super-senses were a definite bonus, but clans like the Inuzuka had the same powers. What made him so special?

The train of thought was cut short by an imagined picture of Sakura. He felt a sting of sadness, as he hadn't even seen her in her wedding dress. But he knew she was probably beautiful, she was always beautiful. The whole wedding had been about her, after all. Sakura smiling, Sakura holding hands with that fake, Sakura saying "I do" and…kissing the fake…

_Sakura lying, bleeding on the floor as everyone else around her was massacred without mercy, her tears falling as her last words begged her beloved Sasuke to come and rescue her…_

NO.

There was no way, absolutely _no way_ that would happen. He would bust out of here, kill off as many of these kidnapping freaks as possible before saving his lovely Sakura from the fake him, and that would be that.

_It all sounds to sickeningly easy when told like that._

Then again…considering the state he was in, someone might actually have to come and rescue him first. It couldn't be Sakura or Naruto…Kakashi, maybe? Could their old teacher possibly sense something was wrong, and act on old battle instincts? His Sharingan could see through the illusion easily enough. What about Neji, or his cousin that liked the dobe? Either one of them could see the trickery in a second. If only they all knew how much he needed them right now…

His ears, restrained as they were, pricked up at a small, scuffling kind of noise from somewhere up overhead. The ceiling, probably. The noise continued, but after a few seconds he deduced the noise of small, padded feet and fur rustling. Probably a rat. But if he could hear it, then that meant above the ceiling there was a hollow space. Somehow bypassing the seals and broken arms and ropes and chains, he might even be able to get up there somehow and escape through whatever the space was. Maybe it was an air vent. In that case, it'd have to lead outside sooner or later.

Something made a rusty metal-on-metal sound over head, and-

_CLANG._

He almost jumped out of his skin (figuratively, of course) when something hard, heavy and metal hit the ground only a few inches from where he was sitting. A second later there was the whooshing sound of wind rushing past thick hair, and something hard clicking on the stone floor as a soft _thwump_ signified something landing.

"Aren't you glad I so hate to leave you alone, kitten?"

He could've cried.

"Cat?!" he tried shouting, though the gag made it impossible.

"Don't worry, kitten. I'm just a lost little animal that fell through the grate to them. Let's get you out of here."

He felt something warm, wet, and piercingly sharp attack the thick bandages binding his fingers together. Only wincing when the tiny fangs and claws scratched the skin, soon enough his hands were freed as those very same claws shredded the paper seals.

Minutes later, he had managed to pop his shoulders back into place without too much difficulty remembering the instructions Sakura had given him some time ago. The chakra seals being gone meant it was a simple task to burn through the ropes with small puffs of fire after tearing off the blindfold and gag.

"What would you do without me, kitten?" wondered the old cat aloud with a joking tone. Sasuke merely shook his head, unable to express his thanks.

"We have to get out of here," he murmured to himself, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the gloom around him. It was indeed a stone prison, but high up ahead was the space in the ceiling where the vent grate had previously been.

"Don't think you can just climb up, kitten," advised the cat. "Way up there are some more magic papers. They make the walls impossible to get up using chakra."

Sasuke glared at the ceiling where sure enough, little strips of brownish paper could be seen. His Sharingan told him they were leeching charms, meant to suck out the chakra anyone released to try scaling the walls.

"But…" he mumbled, suddenly realizing something, "We don't need chakra…"

"Smart kitten," praised the cat and without another word, it extended its claws and began climbing while using the cracks in the stone for footholds.

It really wasn't so hard once Sasuke got the hang of it. His own fingernail-claws appeared at will, and for once he was almost glad of the stupid curse.

After spending a few seconds ripping apart the papers plastered onto the ceiling, it was a simple matter to climb up into what was indeed a smallish air vent.

"It's too cramped," Sasuke muttered to himself, unable to move forward at anything but a crawl. "I can barely move."

The cat, of course, had no problems trotting ahead at all, its tail held high in the air.

"It gets even narrower down ahead," the feline's voice echoed emptily off of the metal walls of the vent. "There's a space that leads down into a hallway. It'll be a risk, but it's the only path we can take."

He nodded in response, and minutes later followed the little ball of dark-gray fur out of another opened grate. A short drop downwards, and he found the deserted hallway they were now situated in sort of reminded him of the Sound capital base…both had endless corridors and possibly booby traps around every corner.

"Guess I don't need to tell you to be careful," observed the cat as the Uchiha's eyes glowed softly red. "The way out isn't far from here. Don't let me walk into anything."

Sasuke nodded, and followed the little animal as it trotted briskly off with an amazing sense of direction. After a couple of minutes or so, the air became less heavy, and easier to breathe. They were getting closer to the surface.

Both froze in an instant. Somewhere, slow footsteps and a dark, musky scent could be sensed. Someone wasn't too far away from where they were.

"Kitten," whispered the cat as the two flattened against the wall, the steps and scent looming closer. "It's trouble. Be ready for a surprise attack, then we have to run."

Sasuke nodded silently, already tensed to run as he smoothly produced a hidden kunai knife. Yes, the great shinobi Sauske Uchiha even carried weapons to his own wedding. Maybe being overly cautious of any crashers had been a good thing after all.

All other sounds seemed to fade away but for the slow, too slow footsteps and his heart, feeling as if about to explode from beating so quickly…

As if in slow motion, a shadow fell before the edge of the wall, easily recognizable as someone wearing the cloak of the Akatsuki. Sasuke barely even comprehended what he was doing until a few seconds afterward.

Gripping the knife in one hand, he scooped up the cat and shot out from behind the wall. He felt the blade bury itself in something soft after striking out with lightning-speed, and the next thing he knew he was running and carrying an unhappy fuzzball.

Had there been any sort of alarm sounding, it would've gotten the adrenaline pumping. The deathly silence, however, brought on a full-scale suppressed panic.

"Where's the way out?!" he hissed to the cat, eyes flicking constantly left and right.

"Straight ahead," was the ordering answer. "That wall…"

The hall they were in led to a dead end.

_It's not really there…_

Without even slowing, he raced right through the illusion of stone and brick.

"Ow!"

The sudden sunlight after however many hours of darkness was nothing but searing pain, especially to the Uchiha's acute eyesight. The cat jumped unceremoniously onto the ground, shaking its fur as it stretched its paws out in front of it.

"Disgusting," it muttered. "How you humans can live down there like moles is beyond me. Nothing but dust and mildew."

He sent the cat a look that said _Jokes later, I have to get back there as soon as possible._

"All right, kitten. Off we go."

* * *

Surprisingly, the prison, or whatever it was, had been placed fairly close to the village, only about half an hour's journey back through the forests. It was clear that the Akatsuki had only made the barest attempts to hide their trail leading back to the village. Sure enough, the huge, white fortress wall that surrounded the Leaf village rose up, a concealed hole dug into it showing signs of recent use.

_They're sloppy,_ he thought to himself. _That's unusual…_

"Kitten, up there."

The old cat hadn't needed to mention the smell that hung, thick and heavy in the afternoon air. It smelled like…something burning.

_Oh, no…_

"Sakura!" he whispered to himself, before taking off at a run, the cat following with equal haste.

_No, no, please god no…_

In a matter of minutes, the two of them reached the old shrine where the wedding had been held. Sasuke could only stare at the deserted ceremony area with a mixture of shock and horror.

Blackened scorch marks were everywhere. No bodies or body parts were visible, but here and there lay a splatter of old, brownish blood.

And in the very center of the cleared space, amongst the shattered ruins of a stone altar, sat a crumpled bouquet of white flowers with two wedding rings tied to the ribbon, glinting softly in the brightened sunlight.

* * *

Begin hating the author in three...two...one! GO!


	15. All's Well That Ends Well

**Meow! Chapter Fifteen - FINAL!!**

**All's Well that Ends Well**

* * *

He fell to his knees, his mind swimming in a disbelieving fog.

_Sakura…no, not Sakura…_

Despite all prior shinobi training, he was shuddering. It was all he could do after having years of unemotional training burned into him.

_Sakura…Sakura…_

His ears pricked up in an instant at the sound of footsteps, fast and light, coming towards him from behind…

"Sasuke!"

As if in slow motion, his head whipped around, barely daring to believe his own sight and hearing. The next thing he knew, his vision had been blocked out by a mass of bright pink, slightly singed tresses. A pair of tiny arms locked around him, the force of the hug nearly bowling him over.

"Oh, Sasuke…it's you…it's really you…"

His brain finally snapped itself out of its daze, allowing him to embrace her back as she clung to him, sobbing her eyes out. She was covered in wounds, he noticed. Bruises were splotched everywhere, some surrounding partially-healed cuts. She was wearing her battle clothes, which by now were blackened with soot. But she was safe.

"It's ok, Sakura…I'm here now," he whispered, careful not to put any pressure on her injuries.

"Sasuke…" was all she could choke out. "Sasuke…"

Suddenly, he realized they were surrounded by multiple presences and chakra signatures. Watching in amazement, the rest of the crowd he had last seen waiting for him to get married appeared from wherever they had hidden, obviously wondering if he was the real him and not another fake. Some were charred and covered in soot or dust, and some sported bandages over fresh wounds. All were accounted for as his eyes quickly swept over them.

"What happened?" he murmured into Sakura's ear, returning his attention to her tear-streaked face. She closed her eyes and gulped silently, before answering.

"It…it wasn't you…" she forced out.

He nodded slowly. "I know. What happened?"

"I…I ratted him…_it_…out, and then…suddenly everyone was screaming and explosions were going off and somebody was laughing crazily in the background…"

He felt her grip on him tighten.

"It…it kept pretending to be you, but I broke the illusion…it was a doppelganger body…controlled from afar, but able to use all the jutsu of the controller…"

One of her hands reached for his, interlacing their fingers.

"It was too strong…whoever was controlling it had enough power to keep it going at full capacity…there was no way any of us could hope to kill it. But then…it _stopped_."

"…Stopped?"

She nodded. "It just…fell down and didn't get up. Neji and Hinata…confirmed it wasn't being controlled anymore. The source itself had…vanished."

"It…disappeared?"

A hand rested on his shoulder. Sasuke turned his head in surprise to see an exhausted Naruto standing beside him, a shuriken still gripped in his other hand.

"We fought guys like those," explained the blonde, "While we were off looking for you way back when. We were lucky to beat them, but one suddenly going kaput like that could only mean the source was snuffed out. There's…no other way to intercept the jutsu."

"So…" muttered the Uchiha, "Someone took out the source."

"Sasuke…" Sakura bit her lip, "It…the thing we fought…it…"

She seemed unable to meet his gaze.

"It…it used the Amaterasu."

_There had been almost no resistance at all…the knife had just sunk where he had aimed it. He hadn't even seen a flash of the face before taking off in a desperate run. Sure, he had aimed at a vital spot, but…could it be…?_

"I'm sorry…Sasuke…"

Her voice halted his wandering thoughts.

"I…we all know you wanted to be the one who-"

"It's ok."

Both Naruto and Sakura blinked in surprise. Killing that certain someone was the whole reason he left all that time ago…

"But…But Sasuke-"

"I said it's ok," he cut her off again. "I think I might've done it."

There was a moment of baffled silence before Naruto shattered it.

"You _think_? Come on, teme! You either did or you didn't!"

He received a small smirk.

"In that case, I believe I did."

The blonde's mouth hung agape as Sakura gasped before practically beaming at her beloved.

"Oh, Sasuke!" Her arms flung themselves around his neck as she hugged him again, even tighter this time. "You really did?! You're amazing!"

Quietly enough so that Naruto wouldn't hear, he allowed himself to purr contentedly into her ear, dispelling any lingering doubts that he might be another fake.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, letting go of him. "The…the wedding…"

Naruto grinned as if in embarrassment while scratching the back of his head. "Yeah…about that…we, um…kind of accidentally tore up the place…"

Sasuke said nothing, but bent down to pick up the crumpled bouquet lying amidst the wreckage of the stone altar. Fortunately, the two rings were undamaged and remained so as he untied them from the ribbon.

"A wedding's not about a place," he said slowly, "Or what state it's in."

His hand held Sakura's and deposited one of the rings into the center of her palm.

"It's about two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together."

She sniffled a little, tears already brimming at the corners of her eyes. "Sasuke…"

A commotion from the surrounding crowd, and their disgruntled Hokage elbowed her way through to glare at the three.

"If you think for one second," she stated in annoyance, "that I'm repeating that mushy speech again, you're joining that unmoving bag of meat in the afterlife."

All present shook their heads in assent.

"Good, let's try this again. Now do you, Uchiha Sasuke, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, through this, that and the other, blah blah blah until death do you part?"

For the second time that day, tears began to fall from Sakura's eyes as her love's hands grasped hers, his dark eyes glittering as he spoke.

"I do."

"And do you, Haruno Sakura, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, yada yada yada love and commitment until death do you part?"

This time there was no gut-wrenching hesitation.

"I DO!" cam out louder than intended, but with every ounce of emotion it could hold, and then some.

"Anybody object?" asked their officiator, holding up a clenched fist to illustrate what would happen if anyone was fool enough to speak up.

Dead silence.

"Good. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you both…Husband, and Wife. You may kiss the bride."

Somewhere off in a corner, Shino was saddened by the fact that he couldn't play the wedding tune again on the decimated piano as the two leaned towards each other, blushing bright pink.

Eyes slowly closed, and lips gently touched.

The great cheer that erupted from those gathered went unnoticed by the two, their hands clutching at one another as the kiss deepened.

The moment they broke apart, their eyes opened in unison. Smiling more widely than ever before in her life, tears rolled freely down Sakura's cheeks.

"I love you, Sasuke," her voice murmured softly.

"Love you too," he answered, and they kissed again. Without thinking, she tossed her bouquet over her shoulder to free up both hands for embracing her new husband.

Neither saw the bewildered expression on a certain female Hyuga's face when the little bundle of flowers whacked her in the face, causing her to tip backwards. Neither saw her fall broken by a pair of hands attached to blonde hair and blue eyes that stared into her ivory ones with blushing recognition.

Maybe more than one dream could come true that day.

* * *

He had to admit it. Though she'd been disappointed at not being able to wear it for the actual marriage, Sakura was beautiful in her wedding dress. He could barely take his eyes off of her, and she was only too happy to reciprocate, her gloved hands holding his in an iron deathgrip.

A crackling noise came over a previously unnoticed group of speakers, and Shizune's voice amplified itself throughout the small microphone set. The murmuring of the guests crowded in the reception hall slowly silenced.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight. Please clear the center floor, as the bride and groom would like to share their first dance together."

Sakura gulped as everyone's eyes turned to them, but the crowds parted and the checker-pattern of the dance floor became visible in their wake. Somewhere off in a corner, the Hokage herself was far too intoxicated to do more than mutter in annoyance and down more drinks, hence Shizune replacing her for the rest of the night's announcements.

The lights, covered over with ribbons as they were, dimmed slightly. Surprisingly, the live band Sakura's parents had hired was in place already. The bassist began strumming his guitar, creating a soft, warm tune. The vocalist began to sing softly as Sakura felt Sasuke squeeze her hand.

"_Thank you for this moment…I've gotta say how beautiful you are…"_

She couldn't help but smile.

"_Of all the hopes and dreams I could've prayed for…Here you are…_"

Inhaling for courage, Sasuke held his new wife's hand and led her towards the center of the dance floor.

"_If I could have once dance…forever…I would take you by the hand…_"

Arms wrapped around waists, hands held with entwined fingers, and ever so slowly, feet began to move in a slow, measured rhythm.

"_Tonight it's you and I together…I'm so glad…I'm your man…_"

Other couples began grabbing their partner's hands after the bride's parents led each other into the dance. Soon enough, all were silently holding one another, losing themselves in the overwhelming aura of togetherness.

"_And if I lived a thousand years, you know…I never could explain…the way I lost my heart to you…that day…_"

For possibly the first time since this whole mess began, Sasuke allowed himself to relax. Not just un-tense relax, but "exhale all stress from since before accidentally becoming an anthro" relax. All his attention focused itself on the girl…no, the _woman_ he held in his arms. This was who he was going to spend the rest of his life with, from this day forward.

"_But if destiny decided I should look the other way…then the world would never know…the greatest story ever told…_"

Slowly, he felt her slender hands let go of their embrace around him to reach up, grabbing at the back of his bandanna before fumbling with the knot.

"…_And did I tell you…that I love you…tonight…?_"

As the cloth came away, he smiled softly just for her, tickled slightly as her gloved fingers brushed the now-human ears that had replaced his cat ones.

"You're back…" she whispered softly, her eyes glimmering in the dim light.

"Thanks to you," he murmured back as her hands found their way around his neck. It was a cozy way to slowly waltz to the music; his hands clasped around her waist as hers were draped around his shoulders. Up this close, he was finding it very difficult not to give in to his longings involving her little pink lips.

"_I don't hear the music…when I'm lookin' in your eyes…but I feel the rhythm of your body, close to mine…"_

"Oh, look…" she breathed, gazing at something over his shoulder. "It's Naruto and…"

In genuine curiosity, he snuck a glance behind him.

"The dobe finally figured it out?" he muttered sarcastically, watching his best friend perform a very secure kind of hug-dance with That Hyuga Girl Whose Name He Could Not Remember.

"Aren't they just the cutest thing ever?" she sighed.

"Hn."

"_It's the way we touch…that sends me…It's the way we'll always be…_"

"And oh, look, it's Tenten…looks like she finally caught herself a Neji."

"_Your kiss, your pretty smile, you know I'd die for…oh, baby…you're all I need…"_

It was only a glimpse, but as he swayed with her to the soft beat of the music, he could've sworn he saw a dark gray, furry backside weaving through the feet of the other dancers.

_Thanks…you stupid kitty…for everything._

* * *

"Man," muttered Akamaru as he sat with the other non-human members of the party watching the people dance. "This is beyond boring."

"It is," agreed Tonton, "But at least there'll be free food later. My Tsunade's already tanked as it is, though."

"Man, I'd hate to be you," chuckled the dog.

"'Ello, you lot."

The two turned in mild surprise as an unfamiliar cat settled itself beside them.

"Have I smelled you before?" asked Akamaru, taking a deep whiff of the cat's fur. "Seems like it."

"Maybe you have, maybe not."

"Where'd you come from?" inquired the pig.

"Just a spectator, dear. Watching the young 'uns finish up their bonding ritual."

"Ohhh, wait…were you the one that guy was talking to in secret?"

"The very one. Though, he can't understand me anymore. And I think he'd appreciate it if you didn't mention any of that to your people."

"Why?" snorted Akamaru. "I thought the tail was an improvement."

"You only noticed it after I pointed it out to you," teased Tonton, stretching her stubby legs before curling up in a ball. "Personally, I liked the ears. But if he'd be happier without, it's his loss."

"It is, dear," muttered the old cat, watching his charge and his charge's new mate embrace each other as they danced. "It is indeed."

* * *

Ok, before any of you flame me for finally ending it, go search youtube or whatever for the song "greatest story ever told" (it's from the What A Girl Wants movie soundtrack) and try to tell me it isn't the prettiest song ever (second place goes to "Time To say Goodbye")

Second ginormous fiction finished! YAAY! After tormenting you lot with Kodocha-esque deadline shenanigans, Here's the end of this fic for ya. Hope you enjoyed!


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